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Thread: Depression

  1. #391
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stagger View Post
    Thanks for all the support.

    I don't have a close mate, only my 2 sons.

    I'm like a recluse with the depression.

    But I would like closure so I can move on with my life.
    There are a few on here you could ask. Just as long as they know it's a personal two-penneth and not financial advice. I've had to lean on people heavily too; i've found myself ringing people up and asking them to confirm that they are still my friends and that i didn't insult them horrifically last night or whatever. Part of my mind wants me to believe that i am an island because i am a bad person and a worthless human being. The idea that you are an island is duality maxed out, it's a defence mechanism not a fact.

    The emotional sequence runs as follows: Failure(as a person)--> Resentment(of everyone including myself)--> Anger(at anything and everyone)

    The emotional slide follows this sequence in everyone, not just myself, and i can work it backwards from your position of Anger. The situation will largely solve itself once you realise you haven't failed anyone including yourself at any point. How can you possibly have done anything else apart from the best you can?

    Byron Katie taught me that i don't have to condone reality or approve of it, and neither does anyone else. To accept it i just have to realise that it was meant to happen that way because it did, there is nothing else that i can be totally sure of. We argue with reality because we don't know how to stop. I'm beginning to see through my now wider field of view that there are no accidents in the universe; the fundamental rule of the universe is Economy. Nothing is meaningless and you are in this position for a reason- most likely to learn.
    Can't climb for toffee...

  2. #392
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
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    Not doing too well, really. Had a period of real progress, but have now slid back into old habits.

    Books recently read include: 'What the bleep do we know'- written in a fairly over excited, right brain style. Some good content though, especially on Neuronets.

    'Dr. Quantum's little book of big ideas' Fred Alan Wolf- Good food for thought.

    Currently reading 'Healing and Recovery' David R Hawkins.

    A really solid pal recently found herself a new bloke and left my life, disappeared very suddenly indeed. I was hanging in the air for weeks, floating like a cloud of gas not quite knowing which way i was going to go, then the cloud of gas condensed into rocks and started heading to the ground at terminal velocity. We used to hang out in the hills and go see films etc. all the things we have in common, she was a huge source of support to me.

    The mistake i made was to attatch to the thought that i'd regularly have someone to go out with and support me. By doing this i had unwittingly placed the source of my own happiness and power outside of myself. The source of one's power and happiness is only ever 'in here', and never 'out there'. This sits paradoxically against the human need for companionship and company, a paradox i have yet to comprehend. The result of placing the source of my happiness and power soley in this friendship is that i am now in the mode of 'victim'; i am the victim of the loss of my happiness, and all the negative energy fields that go with it. I feel i have failed, and have had to check if i have offended said friend and driven her away, and apologise upfront for things i'm not aware whether i've even done or not. I have been living in an illiusion, an illusion created by my own mind's insecurities, the illusion of security which in reality was weakness. My mind subconsciously invested everything outside of itself into a social relationship which was guaranteed to drastically change at some point. The victim state carries with it a terrible legacy, that of 'failure-> resentment-> anger'.

    Despite knowing where true happiness and power need to be located, i lack the tools to put them there. I'm not dealing with single thoughts, but an entire belief system which is very strong. It is a belief system based on the biggest lie of all- the notion that happiness is external to oneself.

    I am currently adopting one of the early steps of the 12-step program, and surrendering to the will of a higher power. In essence this is designed to halt vicious internal conflict, nothing else. I am currently working with the belief statement: "I no longer believe in my ailments. I am an infinite being, and am not subject to them. I am subject only to what i hold in mind".
    Can't climb for toffee...

  3. #393
    Master Wheeze's Avatar
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    Its really interesting reading your thoughts Mr B and very helpful to me.
    In my line of work I am used to the huge difference between people in reaction to physical pain. Anything from 'didn't feel a thing' to screaming the walls down for the exact same thing.
    Reading what you say makes me realise that it is very similar for mental pain. Whereas some would shrug off being dumped and pick up with their lives, other will be completely paralysed by the feelings of despair and undergo the sort of internal visualisation that you are displaying.. I can't offer much more than to empathise and to tell you that I understand. Of course the first reaction of a roughty toughty bloke is say stop being a wimp and get a grip of yourself. But that would be as unfair as me being cruel to one of my pain-sensitised patients.
    Hope you come through this latest kick-back. You only have this one life. Don't waste it in a fog of negativity.
    I am Kuno.

  4. #394
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
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    The book i'm currently on deals heavily with the principal that the body manifests what the mind believes. The author has a staggering list of ailments which he claims to have shifted by releasing his beliefs in their power over his body: Duodenal Ulcer, Diverticulitis, Arthritis, Gout, Hay fever, Diabetes. It makes bizarre reading, but it's worth noting, though he never says specifically, that he achieved a consciousness level around the 600s by my estimates. It's not that having a sub-200 level consciousness causes a range of illnesses, rather that a sub-200 renders the mind so powerless that it is unable to effectively heal and defend the body. Sub 200 is life damaging by means of negative belief systems proliferating, and abdication of power to a source external to the mind.

    That's what i like about Psych-K. The field of Kinesiologic Muscle Testing is an utter hornet's nest; something kicked off in the US with people getting scammed and dodgy quack healers etc. its online reputation is literally in tatters. Hawkins researched it for 15yrs and swears by it, but only if used under tightly controlled conditions. Its power to diagnose lies in the connection between body and mind, what the mind believes the body will manifest under controlled test conditions. Lines of questioning can then used to reveal the lie to the mind, such as Byron Katie's 'Four Questions', the mind will let go of anything once it has had the illusion revealed, then new belief systems are put in place with belief statement work. The subconscious mind's corrosive and life-destructive beliefs were generally programmed in during childhood- this is the case for me, massively! The subconscious thankfully retains this childlike innocence and suggestibility and can be taught to let go and reattatch to powerful beliefs.

    Your pain sensitive patients would likely make partial recoveries at least from releasing their beliefs in the pain, or whatever it may be that they believe in that is causing the dysfunction. It's not as simple as it sounds though; you have to build new Neuronets and allow others to become disused, disused nets generally disintegrate depending on how dominant they are. The book 'what the bleep do we know' has a very good section on this. The nets that enable self healing and spiritual wellbeing are absent in a lot of western culture people because of our general disbelief in the value of 'that kind of hippy crap'.

    Box breathing and general meditation-like activities reconnect areas of the brain that are virtually disconnected. What the bleep's experts reckon the best time to do this is when you just wake up in the morning; just take a minute or so to tell yourself who you are, what you believe in, and what beliefs you are cancelling. Fred Alan Wolf and Stuart Hameroff go as far to say that you CREATE your own reality, reality does not unfold itself in front of you, they take the concept as far as the collapsing of Quantum Wave Functions and what is known as The Observer Effect. Some enigmatic Sage that took part called Ramtha says, "no masters worth their salt ever let the day create them; rather, they create their day".
    Can't climb for toffee...

  5. #395
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    Sharing this here, just a short film but reveals a lot, relevant to a lot of us.

    https://www.outsideonline.com/219327...yst-his-career

  6. #396
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    Thanks Curry, made be shiver while watching it.
    A quote,

    "The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall."

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