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Thread: Depression

  1. #541
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
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    My life has been really shit again for quite a while now. I can't sleep, i try to go to sleep, but just lay awake feeling angry and in despair. I can sleep if i drink, but...

    I go for Psychoalylitic Psychotherapy every week now, it could be raising unchallenged beliefs to the surface which cause anger, which i then struggle to transform or transmute. I feel totally disconnected from the human race, like an exile wandering alone banished from society. My life is losing meaning to the extent of where i find myself looking for reasons to maintain it. I've fallen a long way from where i was. I feel ashamed of my failure.
    Can't climb for toffee...

  2. #542
    Master Stagger's Avatar
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    Thinking about you Luke.

    Its a horrible illness but if you liken it to a fell race there are bits that's tough and others that bring a smile.

    Battle the tough bits mate because the smile is coming.
    A quote,

    "The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall."

  3. #543
    Master Wheeze's Avatar
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    Luke, you know so very truely that there is no failure on your part....you've looked into this. I know you know. So there is nothing to be ashamed of. But the reality is you have fallen....fallen from somewhere you could feel some security. Its not your fault. Its that tough bit stagger has mentioned. You did not mean to fall. But the truth is, you will rise gain just as surely as you have fallen.
    By telling us about it, you are leaving the door open to the rise. Keep telling us, keep taking whatever support you need. Dont let the darkness consume you.. Thinking about you mate.
    I am Kuno....

  4. #544
    Senior Member RaceTheSweeper's Avatar
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    you are in such a tough place at this moment in time Luke. Keep going, keep trying and most of all keep taking the support from everywhere it's offered. Do not give in. You have climbed out of it before and you WILL again. Thinking of you and wishing you well. Keep talking and keep listening. We are all listening to you x

  5. #545
    Master noel's Avatar
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    Hang in there Mr B. It's might seem a dark place now, but once you're feeling better, you'll look back and have a different perspective.
    No longer "resting"

  6. #546
    Super Moderator Derby Tup's Avatar
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    How are you Mr B?

  7. #547
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    Luke. As with any therapy the process can produce feelings and thoughts that are distressing and temporarily make you feel even worse. As you will know the therapeutic journey has to take you through that, but will bring you out to a more positive set of thoughts and feelings ultimately. I hope you have discussed the 'feeling ashamed of failure' with your therapist?
    have you had CBT in the past? as that brand of treatment would challenge your thinking on that.

  8. #548
    Master Wheeze's Avatar
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    Anyone heard from Luke? Hope he's OK.
    I am Kuno....

  9. #549
    Super Moderator Derby Tup's Avatar
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    I’d not seen your post Wheeze but was about to write more or less the same thing. Luke if you’re lurking please let someone know you’re alright

  10. #550
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
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    Hi lads, i'm ok, not been around here very much recently that's all. Not doing much running these days, so have backed away from most if not all reminders of it. It's funny, but i feel as though i've failed at that too and that my past levels of ability are now unattainable. The mystery undiagnosable hip injury is still a big part of my life!

    Freudian Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy is what i'm currently engaged in once a week, along with my usual Mind/Body work. The therapist seems to think i've suffered a lot of loss early on as a child, which is something i'd not considered up to press. Either way FPP is a strange system, but i have complete faith in the genius of Sigmund Freud.

    I'm currently reading 'You can heal your life' by Louise Hay, a lady who used to teach terminally ill people to cure themselves with the power of their minds. It's another self-help system which one could all too easily pass off as snake oil, if it weren't for the fact that it seems to explain why my body hurts and why it hurts where it hurts. The NHS have failed me comprehensively with this hip problem, western medicine is now a dead-ended line of enquiry. Chinese Medicine has been a huge ray of light, and anything concerning the 'Mind Heals Body' 'Mind/Body Problem' paradigm is illuminating to say the least.

    I've been through several self-help systems, three books on Quantum Mechanics, one on Zero Point Field Theory, two on Psychology and subconscious human behaviour, one on Psy Phenomena, one Ultrasound Session, a Consultant and 3 Radiologists, and two MRI scanners (in case one was broken). All the indications point to the fact that my mind is creating pain and physiological conditions in my body which manifest in line with known trends concerning psychological trauma from childhood.

    I've read that i should be excited to find myself on this journey because very few people get to experience it first hand......
    Can't climb for toffee...

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