Quote Originally Posted by Stagger View Post
Thanks for all the support.

I don't have a close mate, only my 2 sons.

I'm like a recluse with the depression.

But I would like closure so I can move on with my life.
There are a few on here you could ask. Just as long as they know it's a personal two-penneth and not financial advice. I've had to lean on people heavily too; i've found myself ringing people up and asking them to confirm that they are still my friends and that i didn't insult them horrifically last night or whatever. Part of my mind wants me to believe that i am an island because i am a bad person and a worthless human being. The idea that you are an island is duality maxed out, it's a defence mechanism not a fact.

The emotional sequence runs as follows: Failure(as a person)--> Resentment(of everyone including myself)--> Anger(at anything and everyone)

The emotional slide follows this sequence in everyone, not just myself, and i can work it backwards from your position of Anger. The situation will largely solve itself once you realise you haven't failed anyone including yourself at any point. How can you possibly have done anything else apart from the best you can?

Byron Katie taught me that i don't have to condone reality or approve of it, and neither does anyone else. To accept it i just have to realise that it was meant to happen that way because it did, there is nothing else that i can be totally sure of. We argue with reality because we don't know how to stop. I'm beginning to see through my now wider field of view that there are no accidents in the universe; the fundamental rule of the universe is Economy. Nothing is meaningless and you are in this position for a reason- most likely to learn.