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Thread: Depression

  1. #451
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leaf View Post
    This is my starting point - my 'depression' or whatever it is, is my fault. If I could think differently I'd probably cope much better. But despite many attempts from different angles I haven't managed it yet. Besides which, it's not just the way I think, or what I think about - it's that overwhelming sense of failure, futility and deep weariness with life. It goes beyond mere 'thinking'.
    Hello again! I was chatting to someone with a far better insight than me earlier, you should probably start by congratulating yourself for identifying that you have an issue requiring of resolution. You've correctly identified that your depression needs fixing, not everyone gets this far btw. As far as blaming yourself goes, it may be a result of the realisation that the origin of the dysfunction is in you not out there. This point should be noted and you can sort of chalk it up as a win, it may be the result of intuition beyond your conscious awareness.

    The above is basically the process of fostering the positive and not attacking the negative, this alone may be enough for you to progress to a position of understanding. I work with myself slightly differently; i would carry out a full post-mortem on the idea that 'i am to blame for my depression', and allow my mind to come to the understanding that the thought is hurting me and is therefore untrue. The Work facilitates this kind of transformation very well.
    Luke Appleyard (Wharfedale)- quick on the dissent

  2. #452
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    Quote Originally Posted by wharfeego View Post
    I'm sitting typing these words and feel dreadful.
    Sorry to hear that Wharfeego. I can't make any helpful suggestions, I'm afraid, but be assured that there are people here who care about you and are most willing to listen. Hang in there.

  3. #453
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    It's the little things that make a big difference.

    I had a forumitte friend of the stbx call round last night to drop something off for my son.

    She commented on how lovely my garden and car was looking.

    The rest of the house is clean Too I mentioned.

    Just the little positive made me feel 10ft tall.

    Thanks Tea and Cake

  4. #454
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    Very quiet here for a month. I'm not naive enough to think everyone is alright, but I do hope everyone is as alright as they can be
    Poacher turned game-keeper

  5. #455
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    This is how I feel.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lBekD6RoX10

    Out of my home again, don't want to work (like stbx) and just enjoy drinking on an evening.

    I'm fairly close to the bottom.

    And when I read what I write, I have tears rolling down my cheeks.
    An emotional mess.

  6. #456
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stagger View Post
    Worry, not sleeping, losing your home, drinking, legal costs, stress of the situation, refusal to communicate by one party, weight problems, stressful job, etc etc

    It could all end so easily or peacefully.
    You're right, it can end easily. You've always had the power to end your divorce proceedings easily, but you were motivated not to do so. Trev, what is motivating you not to end your divorce proceedings?

    What's on the table is the reality of the situation. To say it's either good or bad is your story of it. There isn't any good or bad in this, there aren't even good and bad people; just what is and who is. The only people that come out of a divorce smelling of roses are the lawyers, the clients both lose shit loads. Don't argue with reality- it hurts.

    All the problems you opened your post by listing are effects. Effects are separate to causes most noticably, because efforts to correct effects fail dreadfully. Resolution is achieved by identifying underlying causes and directing efforts accordingly.
    Luke Appleyard (Wharfedale)- quick on the dissent

  7. #457
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    So true Stagger. Not nice but sadly all too common, which is why they have names we can all recognise.
    You need fortitude and integrity in equal measure to cancel them out. You can control that but not the other 2. So focus on what you can control and remember the kindness shown by others.
    Never give up, always bounce back, dont waste energy on things you cant control.
    Simon Blease
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  8. #458
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    A wise man once said to me that you can only be kicked if you stay there to take it.

    So, so easy to spout inane platitudes at this but if you can walk away from this the kicking will stop. Pass through the door with courage because you never know whats on the other side. Good, bad, indifferent. But better than being kicked to the curb. As I said, Fortitude and Integrity.
    Simon Blease
    Monmouth

  9. #459
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    You are that wise man Wheeze.

    I know of no higher fortitude than stubborness in the face of overwhelming odds. Louis Nizer

    “There is no fortitude like patience, just as there is no destructive emotion worse than hatred.” Auliq-Ice

    Honesty and integrity are absolutely essential for success in life - all areas of life. The really good news is that anyone can develop both honesty and integrity

    Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

    We learned about honesty and integrity - that the truth matters... that you don't take shortcuts or play by your own set of rules... and success doesn't count unless you earn it fair and square. Michelle Obama

    Thanks Wheeze, you have got me thinking along a slightly different path.

  10. #460
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
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    Trev, sorry mate, the forum got hacked again and my browser wouldn't load it.

    Have you had anyone look at this settlement offer whom you know and trust? Someone with a bit of life experience who knows their onions; not necessarily a legal professional, just someone savvy. If not then this should be your next step. From what i know you can get very little out of a marriage settlement compared to what you put in based on technicalities; the reverse also applies.

    It's important that you determine the reality of the situation facing you and accept it, whatever that may be. Nothing ever happens for no reason; i said at some point in this thread that you were very likely in this position to learn something. Nobody can tell you to settle, but, if you do find the strength to shut the door on this one and move on you will be a lot wiser for it. What's happening to you in terms of your drinking and depression could be thought of as an alarm bell.

    Now, all of that may seem very easy to say for someone not facing financial ruin, so let me explain how i know the principles at work here to be true:

    It's taken me 16yrs of being depressed to realise what i had to learn. I've hurt and abused myself both physically and mentally all the way, and finally at the age of 38 i've learnt the simple lesson that i should love myself and that i am worthy of that as a minimum. So what's it cost me? If Chinese Medicine is right about my situation it seems to have torn the soul out of me.

    Because my mind has been so sick for so long my body has manifested this sickness with chronic soft tissue disorders. Western Medicine has never had an explanation for why i have permanent Tendonitis in my right knee, or why i have an intractable soft tissue injury to my right hip; not even Ultrasound or MRI scanning can reveal the causes. I have ruptured ligaments and bulging discs in my back which are not consistent with my lifestyle/weight, and can only by a process of 'last option standing' be put down to inheritance. There is no history of back problems in my family.

    All this time i've been running and cycling, wondering why i'm such a physical wreck. I've beaten my body to a pulp when it was at its most vulnerable and in its worst condition. I'm flat on my arse now, burnt to a crisp, if i ever run or cycle pain free again i will be very fortunate. The future for me is very uncertain, my body hurts every day. According to the Acupuncturist i'm chronically deficient in a few very weird but very important things that Western science doesn't believe in such as 'Yin Energy', 'Jing', and the energy pathways in my body are persistently blocking. My Kidneys malfunction and my Heart is under loading it shouldn't be.

    The reality of my situation is that dispite all the toxic programming i have recieved, i am just as worth of love as the next person. Sometimes i like to identify those who have hurt me the worst and focus my hate on them, but all it does is make my own suffering worse. I no longer look back with hate, but forward with optimism; a journey of 1000mls begins with one step...then another...then another...one step at a time.

    My argument with reality has cost me that which is most irreplaceable- my youth, and all the vitality that goes with it. What are you going to let your argument with reality cost you?
    Last edited by mr brightside; 02-10-2017 at 08:05 PM.
    Luke Appleyard (Wharfedale)- quick on the dissent

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