Depression

[Last Man Home]

Stagger, how was the holiday? I'm hoping you got some good rest. You're not alone in trying to tame the black-dog. For me, tiredness let's the bastard sneak out in front. Good sleep, catnaps etc help. Running, even those that turn into short walk/trot sessions, is a good place to go - just be kind to yourself & go for the love of movement. We all value & care for you, look at the support given through the forum. Try to feel the warmth from us all and don't think your not worth it, you are also part of this fell-running family. Take care brother-runner.

[Derby Tup]

Nice post Last Man

[Stagger]

Thanks for your kind words Last Man.
Worst year of my life with my mum passing and break down of 22yr of married life.
Being alone is horrible.
Holiday helped a little.
I ran 7 out of 10
I even dragged my fat body up Scafell Pike last Mon.
Legs still tender but great.
Life can appear to be so unkind at times.
Back on Max dosage of happy pills, started jogging again
Still a mess but also still trying
Thanks again for listening.
Caring folk are few and far between ��

[JohnK]

Hey Stagger I don`t know you from Adam but I care, and I know it is hard to believe sometimes but you are never truly alone especially when out in the hills, just hang on in there and ditch the negative vibes then seek out and focus on the positives
ALL the best mate

[Stagger]

Thanks John, just starting to pick up and the kind messages really help.
Would like to meet you one day and shake your hand along with last man.

Truly caring people ��

[cyclops]

Hey Stagger,
thinking of you.
someone once told me to keep in mind that above the grey and black clouds there is always blue sky and sunshine.
Shout when you are Glossop way, will put the kettle on.
Lynne

[anthonykay]

Worst year of my life with my mum passing and break down of 22yr of married life.
Being alone is horrible.

Yes, loneliness is a great curse of modern society, at least here in the "developed world". I remember the years of living alone before I met my wife; the running and cycling certainly helped to keep me sane, but it was still very painful at times. There are many of us "out there" who do sympathise with how you are feeling.

Anyway, if this is your worst year, then next year will be better. Keep talking, keep getting out on the fells, and don't give up.

[Leaf]

I'm glad to say that, following a real battle and a change in medication, I'm now feeling much better. It amazes me how different I feel - life hasn't suddenly become all rosy - the things that bothered me still bother me, but oh the difference! No longer being dogged by suicidal thoughts is such a relief.

So hang in there, Stagger. Although it seems like there's no way out, that this is just 'the way you are' or the way that life is ... that's not necessarily true! I really thought it was all my fault and that I couldn't get better because I wasn't actually ill, but it appears that my belief was misplaced. (Hurrah!)

One thing though... the medication has caused me to gain weight, struggle to stay awake during the day and my running has become significantly slower (and I wasn't fast to begin with). I find this hard to deal with because I love running and train hard. I even contemplated ditching the pills. But then I remembered that there's no point in being a bit lighter and faster if I can't get myself out of the house to run.

[wheezing donkey]

Leaf, you put in a good effort at the Turner Landscape; certainly no need to 'punish yourself' over that outing, you did well.

Ian Roberts, Bowland FR.

I'm glad to say that, following a real battle and a change in medication, I'm now feeling much better. It amazes me how different I feel - life hasn't suddenly become all rosy - the things that bothered me still bother me, but oh the difference! No longer being dogged by suicidal thoughts is such a relief.

So hang in there, Stagger. Although it seems like there's no way out, that this is just 'the way you are' or the way that life is ... that's not necessarily true! I really thought it was all my fault and that I couldn't get better because I wasn't actually ill, but it appears that my belief was misplaced. (Hurrah!)

One thing though... the medication has caused me to gain weight, struggle to stay awake during the day and my running has become significantly slower (and I wasn't fast to begin with). I find this hard to deal with because I love running and train hard. I even contemplated ditching the pills. But then I remembered that there's no point in being a bit lighter and faster if I can't get myself out of the house to run.

[Last Man Home]

Hi Stagger, that's a hell of a year you've had. I see others have had some rough knocks too. My tale has been similar, first bout came as I'd had the ground knocked out from under my feet, later episodes due to getting worn down by circumstances. Big turning point was realising two points: I was ill, not weak AND it was possible to take some level of control.

First one worked against the "guilt-trip" of needing time & help to heal with no outward injury. I was told visualise my state as a "sprained brain" that affected my "brain-stuff".....like limping due to a spragged ankle. It helped give me a patient & kind-to-myself perspective about the dark moods and horrible thoughts. This took the pressure off and I started to see myself as unwell but repairable. The weigh does come off, the fitness does return. Be fair: all fellrunners do more in a weekend than most folk achieve in a lifetime!!

The second made me realise I could get through if I worked on resilience building. Sounds technical but you're all doing the best one already: talking with mates. I have also had to learn to recognise when I'm head-tired & take rest: it feels different from when you've run too far!! This is why I say be gentle/fair on yourself. The resilience comes naturally if you give yourself "permission" to heal at the rate your body wants to go at. Time doing the things you enjoy, like run or chewing the fat with mates, guide you along the road to recovery.

Never forget you have worth and are valued......everyone on this corner of the forum has shown they care and you matter.

p.s. if you know someone who is struggling but don't know what to say, try giving a hug. (with care in Yorkshire - handshake may be close enough!)