Anger management

[daz h]

No I disagree. If I was injured I'd rest until better. The emotion of anger is very justifiable in some situations and suppressing it does more harm than good. That doesn't mean I approve of smashing things up when I'm angry, just that I think it is okay to express it in an appropriate way.

People who suppress their emotions and express a breezy, wheezy "isn't everthing gay" indifference to everything are the worst people to be around. They have no spirit. In fact I could say they annoy me!

Good post by the way.
Oh sorry I couldnt be at the grouse mate.
Your correct in saying that anger can do good. But generally when its controlled not uncontrolled.

[nikalas]

No I disagree. If I was injured I'd rest until better. The emotion of anger is very justifiable in some situations and suppressing it does more harm than good. That doesn't mean I approve of smashing things up when I'm angry, just that I think it is okay to express it in an appropriate way.

People who suppress their emotions and express a breezy, wheezy "isn't everthing gay" indifference to everything are the worst people to be around. They have no spirit. In fact I could say they annoy me!

Totally agree... anger when appropriate, proportional and non-destructive is a great emotion and shouldn't be suppressed.. you can't beat a good blow-up every now and then. The problem is when it's a constant state of simmering non-specific frustration that results in the sort of lashing out that Mr B has described. This isn't healthy. There's obviously an underlying reason for him feeling like this and it won't get better just by leaving it.

[daz h]

You are lashing out and hurting someone Mr B, that someone is you. Have you forgotten that fact?

You are the most important person in this scenario, you must start to treat yourself with love and care. Everything begins with loving and caring for yourself. Treating yourself with kindness. Please treat yourself to some help. You have made the biggest breakthrough by posting on here and telling complete strangers something really personal...that's so brave. You can do anything! You're amazing! Now tell me that doesn't sound better than all the negativity you brainwash yourself with?

Leah. (I am signing with my real name as I believe your candidness deserves are non-anonymous reply!)

Fairyfeet thats a lovely post. Possibly one of the most person centred responses ive seen on the forum for a long time.
Luke you have done a most difficult thing in openly posting about yourself.
Two things that I have thought about from your brave posts are when you said, who I am and love to be somebody else. They are massive words, huge.

I think Im going to post In my eyes who you are and how you portray yourself to me.
Luke when you posted on the FRA relay thread that you had done leg 3 ( navigating for your club Wharfedale) I was pretty much in awe of how you had described the day. How you had gone on, How you enjoyed it. The whole experience. It made me smile. I shy away from Navigation legs yet you just took it in your stride.
Thats pretty special in my book.
There are many ways in which you can get help and help yourself. Look at how many times Fairyfeet mentions the word YOU.


Luke to me your a person that I didnt know. I now know you a little through the forum and fellrunning. Your a nice honest guy that needs a little help. Like lots of us at times.
Go and seek it, help, support etc.
I hope Ive portrayed how I see you.
When you close that gap between the person who you are and the person you would love to be I think you will have found a special place.
I truly hope your journey goes well Luke
Daz

[The devil's own]

The emotion of anger is very justifiable in some situations and suppressing it does more harm than good. That doesn't mean I approve of smashing things up when I'm angry, just that I think it is okay to express it in an appropriate way.

Wise words Chris. We're agreeing more and more these days and it's unnerving me! Joking aside, Chris is right bottling up the anger will do a lot more harm than good. Learning to deal with anger and channeling it appropriately is where you need to get to. Though from your posts it definitely sounds like there is a bit more to it from you past and you have some route cause issues to deal with. As Nik said CBT via your gp will be a great starting point, and will also enable professional and yourself to decide if your issues require further long term input.
It's also worth noting that your anger and irritability may be a sign that you are suffering from depression, so I think you will definitely benefit from some input from services. Go and see your gp and talk to them. Read the depression thread on the health pages if anything there rings true just PM people and talk it over with them (if you feel comfortable that is), none of us will mind and we all will be happy to help.

[Derby Tup]

Mr B, there is some terrific advice on this page. I'm not sure I can add anything apart from please try and get help and good luck

[Corniceman]

Sounds like there is no quick answer to this then if that is how you think. Short term you could look at primary care mental health which is accessed by seeing your GP who can make the referral. They will be able to offer you a short course of CBT which will help you change the way you think about things and how those thoughts influence your actions. this will be a start. Form that it could be determined whether or not you would benefit from further input. Most places also have anger management projects that you may also find helpful.

Where are you based? I can try to look into whats available in your area.

Mr B, re eavesy187 suggestion re being referred to your local primary care Mental health service or IAPT service. be sure that you stress to your GP that he mentions that you are suffering from depression or anxiety in his referral. Most PCMH/IAPT services will not accept referrals for anger management alone unless associated with an underlying depression/anxiety state. certainly our services in Nottingham do not and services are built around the principles of NICE guidance nowadays.

best wishes

[stevefoster]

All the best Luke, like daz says, we all need a little help sometimes, good luck mate, lot of crap in my life, makes the good times more enjoyable

[mr brightside]

What happened on Friday Mr B?

Friday was crap. It all started when i was refitting the heater matrix/blower fan box back into the car, after having removed it to test the fan which was fine as i suspected; but the removal was necessary. The matrix enclosure is a big plastic box in the bowels of your car dashboard which all the heater controls are connected to, it's a sod to remove on any car.

During reinstallation i trapped one of the motor wires and it wouldn't pull through into the engine bay because the crimped connection was too large. I dropped the matrix box further down off its studs but it wasn't having it, at this point i began to believe the thing was fighting me deliberately. I tried to yank the wire back through hoping to recrimp the end and be done with it rather than taking the matrix box all the way back out, but snatched at it in annoyance and ripped the other end out of the blower motor too. Realising this meant a full stripdown and soldering iron job my head went; the dashboard got a pounding and now the glovebox doesn't shut, the back door got a whack and now has a row of knuckle dents in the door, lastly i slammed the passenger door so hard that the window exploded into diamond dust. On the way back into the house to turn the soldering iron on i punched a wooden board a few times.

Definitely go and talk to someone... most GP's will be able to sort it out and, from personal experience, just going and talking to someone makes a massive difference. Rage with inanimate objects, increased levels of frustration and lashing out at things are all classic "symptoms" when I'm going into one of my downs/depressive periods. Going to see a counsellor/CBT therapist via my GP really helped get to the bottom of things, let me learn what all the warning signals are and, most importantly, taught me practical steps and measures to take to head off the Black Dog.

Life's too short to be angry... if you were injured you'd go and see a physio, it's no different.

Cheers Nik. The problem with the NHS is they try and shove happy pills down your neck! Some physio for my mind sounds good though.

It's also worth noting that your anger and irritability may be a sign that you are suffering from depression, so I think you will definitely benefit from some input from services. Go and see your gp and talk to them. Read the depression thread on the health pages if anything there rings true just PM people and talk it over with them (if you feel comfortable that is), none of us will mind and we all will be happy to help.

I've been depressed in the past but i think one of the triggers was a crap job, from there everything else just piled on; but now i've got a better job i can self-manage other issues that contributed to being depressed. Cheers for suggesting that CBT thing.

I think Im going to post In my eyes who you are and how you portray yourself to me.
Luke when you posted on the FRA relay thread that you had done leg 3 ( navigating for your club Wharfedale) I was pretty much in awe of how you had described the day. How you had gone on, How you enjoyed it. The whole experience. It made me smile. I shy away from Navigation legs yet you just took it in your stride.
Thats pretty special in my book.
There are many ways in which you can get help and help yourself. Look at how many times Fairyfeet mentions the word YOU.


Luke to me your a person that I didnt know. I now know you a little through the forum and fellrunning. Your a nice honest guy that needs a little help. Like lots of us at times.
Go and seek it, help, support etc.
I hope Ive portrayed how I see you.
When you close that gap between the person who you are and the person you would love to be I think you will have found a special place.
I truly hope your journey goes well Luke
Daz

The relays was one of the best experiences of my life, it was like a drug and left me wanting more, it was like all the mad descents i've ever done rolled into one! Cheers for the compliments mate, now all i need is some speed!

I feel better today. I was looking at the perspex window flexing wildly in the wind going over to Hayfield on sunday and felt really stupid. A bloke came to fit a new window today so all the memories of friday are gradually disappearing, the dents in the door will be harder to shift though. I think repairing the damage i've done could be therapeutic, if time consuming.

Thanks for all your posts, i've digested them all. :thumbup:

[mr brightside]

You are lashing out and hurting someone Mr B, that someone is you. Have you forgotten that fact?

You are the most important person in this scenario, you must start to treat yourself with love and care. Everything begins with loving and caring for yourself. Treating yourself with kindness. Please treat yourself to some help. You have made the biggest breakthrough by posting on here and telling complete strangers something really personal...that's so brave. You can do anything! You're amazing! Now tell me that doesn't sound better than all the negativity you brainwash yourself with?

Leah. (I am signing with my real name as I believe your candidness deserves are non-anonymous reply!)

Like Daz says, Leah, that's a very good person-centred post. The forum can be hostile at times, it's nice to know folk like you are still here.

[Danbert Nocurry]

Mr B - Its about realising that you have a choice in the matter - most folk feel that reacting like a knob is the only way to express how they feel when the red mist starts to descend.

Learn how to express yourself maturely and appropriately young man.

Incidentally those anger management courses are a load of bollocks. I did one ..it was shit....and i told them that in no uncertain terms ..USELESS BASTAAAAARDS !!!!!!!!!!!