Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 36

Thread: How to be an elite athlete

  1. #1
    Master
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    LEEDS
    Posts
    6,044

    How to be an elite athlete

    Over recent months I have observed the newer perhaps more 'hipster' forum posters spouting out about the latest carbo supplements and the garmin watch that calibrates the calorie burn when they flinch and as a result of a chat with fellow forumite Fleeter, I feel that it is important to give you folks some key tips to divert you from the path of pretentious magazines and onto the walkway of victory.

    Firstly, pre race nutrition: I have found in my esteemed career that there are two main misconceptions amongst 'stylish' athletes, namely light meals and small portions. Prior to the Moel Eilio race in 2009, I consumed a Double Whopper meal from a service station a mere hour before the race, and I have to say I certainly felt the effects as my incessant farting surely gave me a few boosts along the way propelling me to a position just in front of the first v70, were it not for the gherkiny goodness then surely this coffin dodger would have had me. So ditch this Quinoa and Nut Roast shite and get a proper meal down you pre race.

    Secondly, gels and energy drinks: You are healthy individuals why on earth would you want to digest stuff that wouldn't look out of place in the baby aisle or for really old people who can no longer chew. Andy and myself suggest that beer on a regular basis and perhaps the odd bit of muddy bog water will more than provide the essential vitamins you need to run that 3 mile race that you are only doing so you can go back to your office job and make all the fatties think you are a new age Rambo. Its just wrong, sort it out.

    Kit: I myself once fell victim to the myth that is compression gear, its a fad and an expensive one at that, if you want to try it and be all metrosexual then you might as well just put two stretchy condoms on a pull them up your calves. Ideally as the 'environmentally aware' and 'cool' people you claim to be then surely you should choose to run naked, through fields of brambles whilst self-flagellating in a bid to appease mother nature and apologise for global warming.

    That will do for now, but if any of you fear that you are straying from the path of true enlightenment of the former forum elders, please post and I will rehabilitate you.


    Attachment 5890

    A picture of me in training the day before I ran a triple BG fuelled only on fried chicken and San Miguel
    Last edited by TurboTom; 21-03-2012 at 09:32 PM.
    Trying to plod up hills every day slightly faster than the day before

  2. #2
    Grandmaster + stevefoster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Ripponden
    Posts
    17,182

    Re: How to be an elite athlete

    Tha's one french fry short of a Happy Meal Tom
    Hills and Guinness!

  3. #3
    Master Fleeter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Oldham's Burning Sands
    Posts
    1,720

    Re: How to be an elite athlete

    A combination of crisps, fine spanish lager, english and belgian ale, mixed with a healthy dose of chew valley peat and you'll be be winning races in no time......

  4. #4
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Loving it in the Pilates Studio
    Posts
    7,862

    Re: How to be an elite athlete

    Tom, i've been experimenting with drinking a pint of bitter before races. I think the euphoric effects of alcohol consumption can only help your performance, and at the very worst do you no harm. In the controlled scientific environment of a freezing cold day outside Mankinholes YHA, i administered a shot of whiskey to Merrysteve who confirmed this performance enhancing effect by motoring up Stoodley Pike like a stabbed rat. I'm definitely on the verge of a major scientific breakthrough here.
    Luke Appleyard (Wharfedale)- quick on the dissent

  5. #5
    Grandmaster + stevefoster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Ripponden
    Posts
    17,182

    Re: How to be an elite athlete

    And may i add it's the only time i've motored anywhere like a stabbed rat thus proving the breakthrough.
    Hills and Guinness!

  6. #6
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Loving it in the Pilates Studio
    Posts
    7,862

    Re: How to be an elite athlete

    Quote Originally Posted by Fleeter View Post
    A combination of crisps, fine spanish lager, english and belgian ale, mixed with a healthy dose of chew valley peat and you'll be be winning races in no time......
    Seeing as Tom and Emma Clayton are both at Leeds Uni now, do you think you could get Tom pissed on aftershocks and talk him into breaking into her room and checking the kitchen for any of the following...

    Cruzcampo
    Timothy Taylor's Landlord
    Leffe
    Space Raiders
    Stockpiled muddy water

    It's in the name of science, i'm sure she'd understand and not take out a restraining order
    Luke Appleyard (Wharfedale)- quick on the dissent

  7. #7
    Master
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    LEEDS
    Posts
    6,044

    Re: How to be an elite athlete

    Quote Originally Posted by mr brightside View Post
    Seeing as Tom and Emma Clayton are both at Leeds Uni now, do you think you could get Tom pissed on aftershocks and talk him into breaking into her room and checking the kitchen for any of the following...

    Cruzcampo
    Timothy Taylor's Landlord
    Leffe
    Space Raiders
    Stockpiled muddy water

    It's in the name of science, i'm sure she'd understand and not take out a restraining order
    Emma Clayton went to the met fool, I aint going anywhere near there, I might catch a learning disability.
    Trying to plod up hills every day slightly faster than the day before

  8. #8
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Loving it in the Pilates Studio
    Posts
    7,862

    Re: How to be an elite athlete

    Quote Originally Posted by TurboTom View Post
    Emma Clayton went to the met fool, I aint going anywhere near there, I might catch a learning disability.
    Ooh, matron! Who's the crumpet?
    Luke Appleyard (Wharfedale)- quick on the dissent

  9. #9
    Master Witton Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Blackburn
    Posts
    8,793

    Re: How to be an elite athlete

    Quote Originally Posted by mr brightside View Post
    Tom, i've been experimenting with drinking a pint of bitter before races.
    I can recommend it during - especially a nice hand-pulled pint of Dent Bitter

  10. #10
    Master Witton Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Blackburn
    Posts
    8,793

    Re: How to be an elite athlete

    Quote Originally Posted by TurboTom View Post
    Emma Clayton went to the met fool, I aint going anywhere near there, I might catch a learning disability.
    Based on this post, I deduce that you are a lost cause

Similar Threads

  1. The Intelligent Athlete
    By CL in forum General chat!
    Replies: 69
    Last Post: 10-01-2013, 07:41 PM
  2. Kenyon Athlete loses frostbitt
    By dav657 in forum General chat!
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 26-11-2011, 07:44 PM
  3. Ed Balls the athlete!!!!
    By Stolly in forum General chat!
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 25-10-2011, 05:11 PM
  4. athlete 1279 commonwealth game
    By IanDarkpeak in forum Other Races
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 16-10-2010, 08:28 PM
  5. Elegy for a Scottish Athlete
    By XRunner in forum General Fellrunning Issues
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 06-04-2007, 07:02 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •