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Thread: There is a rat in our garden

  1. #1
    Master Danbert Nocurry's Avatar
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    There is a rat in our garden

    As soon as I opened the door it shot off under the shed. It could have been a big mouse, but I think it was a rat.
    I bloody hate rats and I'm scared of going in the shed now. I blame the Mrs for throwing bread out for the birds. Aside from running around on all fours making loud miaowing noises in the garden for the next few days do any forumites have a possible solution for my problem? :closed:
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  2. #2
    Master XRunner's Avatar
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    Re: There is a rat in our gard

    Ask Molehill if you could borrow his nuclear reactor.
    This may mutate your rat and their offspring may be coloured green :w00t:

    This assumes your rat is not homosexual, in which case it may want to marry you first.

    Make sure you have full body cover, acceptable to FRA standards (IDP will advise you), before meeting Moley (and don't fold your number under any circumstances!)

    It is recommended that you check the weather forecast first as you may not be able to join the Club if it takes longer than 24 hours.

    PS Check the price of gold first. The Heathens may advise you to dispose of your hoardings before you mutate.:sneaky:

    PPS If you had fed your garden birds some trill, the pigeon would not have died first.
    This would have prevented your rat committing necrophilia.
    Last edited by XRunner; 29-06-2013 at 04:33 PM.
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  3. #3
    Master mr brightside's Avatar
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    Re: There is a rat in our gard

    Quote Originally Posted by Danbert Nocurry View Post
    As soon as I opened the door it shot off under the shed. It could have been a big mouse, but I think it was a rat.
    I bloody hate rats and I'm scared of going in the shed now. I blame the Mrs for throwing bread out for the birds. Aside from running around on all fours making loud miaowing noises in the garden for the next few days do any forumites have a possible solution for my problem? :closed:
    Yes, shoot it. Keep putting the food out but with a model of yourself dressed accordingly in your shooting position (No, i'm not joking, it works for catching big Carp as proven by Chris Yates). You'll need a legal limit power .22 with a scope sighted up for the exact distance to enable a single killshot with no suffering and no need for pellet drop compensation, once it's used to the dummy you simply swap it for yourself. You could get the council to trap it but it will have a better exit from the world by doing it my way.
    Luke Appleyard (Wharfedale)- quick on the dissent

  4. #4
    Master shaunaneto's Avatar
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    Re: There is a rat in our gard

    Quote Originally Posted by XRunner View Post
    Ask Molehill if you could borrow his nuclear reactor.
    This may mutate your rat and their offspring may be coloured green :w00t:

    This assumes your rat is not homosexual, in which case it may want to marry you first.

    Make sure you have full body cover, acceptable to FRA standards (IDP will advise you), before meeting Moley (and don't fold your number under any circumstances!)

    It is recommended that you check the weather forecast first as you may not be able to join the Club if it takes longer than 24 hours.

    PS Check the price of gold first. The Heathens may advise you to dispose of your hoardings before you mutate.:sneaky:

    PPS If you had fed your garden birds some trill, the pigeon would not have died first.
    This would have prevent your rat committing necrophilia.
    ).....
    pies

  5. #5
    Master Danbert Nocurry's Avatar
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    Re: There is a rat in our gard

    Thank you for your advice fellow forumites. My next door neighbour (who is revelling in my distress) has just told me that "There will be a few of them in a nest, there's never just one." Seemingly he had a mate who regularly left his back door open and as a consequence they were in his house nesting behind cupboards in the bedrooms etc they only need a 1/2 inch hole to squeeze through apparently.
    To the Regiment - I Wish I Was There

  6. #6
    Master XRunner's Avatar
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    Re: There is a rat in our gard

    Quote Originally Posted by Danbert Nocurry View Post
    My next door neighbour (who is revelling in my distress) has just told me that he had a mate who regularly left his back door open and as a consequence they were in his house nesting behind cupboards in the bedrooms etc.
    I blame the bestial Gay Marriage advocates for your situation.

    My apologies if I have got your threads in a twist, Danbert. But I wanted to spin a good yarn
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  7. #7
    Senior Member LM's Avatar
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    Re: There is a rat in our gard

    Linda Murgatroyd, Calder Valley Fell Runners

  8. #8
    Master shaunaneto's Avatar
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    Re: There is a rat in our gard


    image by piemonster, on Flickr
    pies

  9. #9
    Master Danbert Nocurry's Avatar
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    Re: There is a rat in our gard

    Just got a picture of him. He is massive and is well fed and so will probably be the king rat. I wouldn't be surprised if there was about 20 rats under the shed.:thunbdown:
    To the Regiment - I Wish I Was There

  10. #10
    Master that_fjell_guy's Avatar
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    Re: There is a rat in our gard

    Awwwww! Cute!! Is that a collar round its neck!? Enjoy!
    I M Povey New Marske Harriers
    http://manwithoutashed.blogspot.com

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