You need one of these Hopey....
Nice but just over £1,000 out of my price range
http://www.bonthronebikes.co.uk/515-74233
the lemond tourmalet is under a grand here
thats a cracking bike
Get on Ebay n get yourself a old Alan cyclocross bike and save the rest of ya cash for a holiday
spotted a good Alan road bike on there t'other day
I might be Tup , But not too Tup to know that I am Tup:w00t: