Fell Ponies??

[Amex]

Yes there was a pony at Langdale have sent to the Master the evidence using the power of Camera!
Thanks to the lady who took my pic from Bowland she alas did not stroke my main!

[lantern rouge]

Thanks to the lady who took my pic from Bowland she alas did not stroke my main!

Your main what?

Oh the furry bit at the back of your neck.. got you now.

Vest awaited but The Master currently grazing foreign pastures.

[Amex]

OMG i even get my spelling corrected mane mane mane
Sorry Lantern
i will complete my lines now! :-)
May i ask are you a pony?

[FellMonster]

Your main what?

Oh the furry bit at the back of your neck.. got you now.

Vest awaited but The Master currently grazing foreign pastures.

on

The Master returns from foreign pastures on Wednesday. He should be able to get your vest off to you asap after that (depending on what size you are waiting on)

I believe, Amex, that lantern rouge is indeed one of agrowing number of fell ponies......its spreading.....should be updating the web when the master returns on wednesday also.....updates on Whernside and Langdale

[lantern rouge]

OMG i even get my spelling corrected mane mane mane
Sorry Lantern
i will complete my lines now! :-)
May i ask are you a pony?

It was an attempt at humour... a sorry one but the pun was there!

I have yet to see George and so do not have the vest, but in principle, yes, a pony I am.

[Amex]

I have yet to see George and so do not have the vest, but in principle, yes, a pony I am.
One day we will eat at the same trough my friend and i will gladly buy your oats!! and our lives should be complete farewell fellow pony until we meet on the fells

[crumblydown]

It was an attempt at humour... a sorry one but the pun was there!

I have yet to see George and so do not have the vest, but in principle, yes, a pony I am.

A big lad for a pony Lantern more of a dray I,d say,but you,d still look good in a piebald vest.

[lantern rouge]

A big lad for a pony Lantern more of a dray I,d say,but you,d still look good in a piebald vest.

Dunno about look good... the woolly bits poking out the top may require something to be worn underneath in the name of common decency. I'll have the only pony vest with an ermine collar!!!

[crumblydown]

Dunno about look good... the woolly bits poking out the top may require something to be worn underneath in the name of common decency. I'll have the only pony vest with an ermine collar!!!

Ermine?? flash bugger the rest of us have to make do with horse hair.

[lantern rouge]

A big lad for a pony Lantern more of a dray I,d say,but you,d still look good in a piebald vest.

Big lad? You know, a lesser man may take offence at such a suggestion! People can become very sensitive about being not small, you know. If it weren't for BIG LADS, you whippets'd have much smaller fields behind you. So that be a lesson to yer, right.

Ey and another thing, the suggestion of being more of a dray??!!!

I'll have to speak to your missus...

... you've obviously missed out on your equality and diversity training!

Maybe this'll put you in a more inclusive frame of mind!



Subject: FW: Battle of Trafalgar 21st Century



Battle of Trafalgar

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the
meaning of this?"

Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

Nelson (reading aloud): "'England expects every person to do his or her
duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious
persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?"

Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities
employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the
censors, lest it be considered racist."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free
working environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the
mainbrace to steel the men before battle."

Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the
Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it
............ full speed ahead."

Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this
stretch of water."

Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in
history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest
please."

Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"

Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness;
and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let
anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."

Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck
Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free
environment for the differently abled."

Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse
even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by
playing the disability card."

Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in
the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let
the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone
breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the
men to stand by to engage the enemy."

Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"

Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being
charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid
lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"

Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

Nelson: "We're not?"

Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners
now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this
stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying
that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your
King."

Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural
age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"

Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum,
sodomy and the lash?"

Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on
corporal punishment."

Nelson: "What about sodomy?"

Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

Nelson: "In that case............................... kiss me, Hardy".