Donald and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room but Daisy said they couldnt have sex unless Donald got a condom. Donald went down to the front desk and asked the hotel clerk if they had any condoms.
'Yes we do' the clerk said and he pulled one out from under the counter. The clerk asked 'Would you like me to put it on your bill? 'No' Donald quacked 'What sort of pervert do you think i am?'
I believe that a better punchline to that joke is:
"No, you'll suffocate me!"
Dead Penguins
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica- where do they go?
WONDER NO MORE!!!
IT IS A KNOWN FACT THAT THE PENGUIN IS A VERY RITUALISTIC BIRD WHICH LIVES AN EXTREMELY ORDERED AND COMPLEX LIFE.
THE PENGUIN IS VERY COMMITTED TO ITS FAMILY AND WILL MATE FOR LIFE, AS*WELL AS MAINTAINING A FORM OF COMPASSIONATE CONTACT WITH ITS OFFSPRING THROUGHOUT ITS LIFE.
IF A PENGUIN IS FOUND DEAD ON THE ICE SURFACE, OTHER MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY AND SOCIAL CIRCLE HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DIG HOLES IN THE ICE, USING THEIR VESTIGIAL WINGS AND BEAKS, UNTIL THE HOLE IS DEEP ENOUGH FOR THE DEAD BIRD TO BE ROLLED INTO AND BURIED.
THE MALE PENGUINS THEN GATHER IN A CIRCLE AROUND THE FRESH GRAVE AND SING,
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"FREEZE A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW"
Next door's dog is keeping Paddy awake, finally he gets up and storms off downstairs.
After a couple of minutes he returns, smilng, but the dog is still barking.
"What did you do Paddy?" asks his wife.
"Oi put the bloody dog in our garden, see how they like it now"
Hills and Guinness!
Saw a chemist's van with the following on the back,
"No medicine, tools or oxygen kept in this van overnight"
Those Oxygen thieves can read????
I’m stuck on a cryptic crossword:
‘Postman’s nightmare’
???
Go on then... How many letters in it?Originally Posted by felltrumpet
Three
Millions
Kills his back
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