Today's Joke

[Amex]

One day a drunk man told the bartender, "I'll bet you £100 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender grinned and said, "Okay, you drunk."
The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it.

After more drinks the drunk said, "I bet you £200 I can bite my left eye." The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, "Okay."

The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye.

The bartender, by now was really mad. After a few more drinks, the drunk said, "I'll bet you £500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar."

The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay.

The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won £500.

In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why.

The man replied, "That drunk fool bet me £1000 that he can pee on your bar and you would be happy about it!"

[TurboTom]

Brilliant. Got anymore to share Amex

[Amex]

A woman & her best friend are shopping for a wedding dress. Surprised at her choice, the friend exclaims;
"you can't be serious, how can you wear white?"

The woman asks why not? "Well", said the friend, "this is your FOURTH wedding and you're not a virgin!"

"Oh, but I am" replied the woman.

"How can that be?"

My 1st husband was a Gynecologist, and all he wanted to do was look at it.

My 2nd husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it.

My 3rd husband was a contractor & never showed up.

But don't worry. This time I'm marrying a lawyer & I know I'll get screwed!"

[TurboTom]

Whats brown and Sticky

















A stick

[TheHeathens]

Have you seen that film - "Perverts say no?"

[TurboTom]

Have you seen that film - "Perverts say no?"

Yes its a classic
Have you seen gayboys say no

[Stick]

Whats brown and Sticky



A stick

Oi!


Did you hear about the magic tractor...?

Went down the lane and turned into a field!

Ok...

[Grouse]

Haven't we been here before?

[Alf]

Bloke gets home and presents his wife with a huge bouquet of flowers.

His wife thanks him, gives him a sly look, and says "I suppose you will be expecting me to open my legs now?"

Bloke says "Well actually I was going to put them in a vase".

[Rob Furness]

Guy in the pub chatting to his friends:-
Guy - "guess what, I'm sleeping with twins! what do you say to that"
friend - "well done! but how do you tell them apart?"
Guy - "that's easy, Julie has blonde hair and Steve has a moustache"