Wansfell Race

[mapper]

Count me in then
http://www.amblesideac.org.uk/races/our-races/wansfell/

[Dux de lux]

It is definitely on. Usual arrangements, more info here:

http://www.amblesideac.org.uk/races/our-races/wansfell/

[Lefty]

It's the only race I did last year. I always said it was a race you could do without doing any training. Sadly I'll miss it this year as it clashes with the final fixture in the North West Cyclo Cross League at Macclesfield making it the first time in more than 50 years that I haven't done a single fell race.The mind is willing but the body is knackered.

[Tindersticks]

Don't get me wrong, I look forward to Christmas......but blimey I'm glad it's only once a year.

I'm what's known as a 'greedy sod' and the festival period shouts out, "fill your boots and eat as much crap as you like...it's expected".

Every jacket or pair of jeans seems to contain leftover Celebration wrappers tangled in amongst the dog poo bags. An evening watching TV usually ends with a look of disbelief as yet more chocolate wrappers form a pyramidal mass on the arm of the chair. I should really put the wrappers into the empty Pringles box to hide the evidence.....crikey, I'd almost forgot about the Pringles I've popped...like the saying goes "once you pop, you can't stop".

Just like previous years at Wansfell, by the time I'm at the cattle grid I'm wishing I hadn't 'popped' the Pringles and consumed all the Celebrations in such quantities. But I have, so stop whinging and get on with it...surprisingly, the pocket in my running shorts contains no chocolate wrappers but does contain one cashew nut....I have no idea why.

The climb up the tourist path is hard and I'm reduced to walking. Waste not, want not...l ate the cashew nut and it was awful, it tasted like washing powder. Undeterred I plodded on and was relieved to eventually see the lovely summit marshals, thank you one and all.

Once around the high-visibility jacket that marks the turning point, it's a free fall descent back to the finish. On such a straightforward race route there are surprisingly plenty of good and not so good choices to be had whilst trying to keep upright over the greasy surface.

Wansfell has become as much as a festive period tradition as eating like a pig....oink,oink.

Many thanks to all involved and well done Sam Tosh on his incredible run.

[mr brightside]

It's a tradition for me too, one not to be missed. I jumped the cattle grid this time, haven't done that for a couple of years. Cheers to the organisers, a great event all round, and very good soup.

[mapper]

Results are out here:
http://www.amblesideac.org.uk/2016/1...-race-results/

[Tindersticks]

Wansfell fell race.

Boxing Day night is traditionally a family get together. I always try not to over indulge as I usually do Wansfell the following day. For this years ‘family do’ my wife’s older sister and her husband were the hosts.

Charlie, their grandson, is the youngest member of the family and he seems overwhelmed by the occasion. He proves the point by frantically running throughout the house whilst screaming and barking like a dog at regular intervals. His parents say “it’s just a phase he’s going through” as they seek acceptance by enquiring “he’s loud, but isn’t he funny?”. With a hint of sarcasm I said, “yeah he’s hilarious, why don’t you put him outside in Archie’s dog kennel?”. His parents laughed, I was being semi-serious but my tone of voice implied I was joking. Alison nudged me, she can read me like a book...I said no more and kept schtum.

Just the mention of Archie’s name makes his ears prick up. The portly little Jack Russell had awoken from his slumber by the hearth of the fire. He makes a beeline straight for me. On route he picked up a tatty cuddly toy which he then gently dropped at my feet. I’m guessing the toy was once a rabbit as now all that remains is a fluffy tail. With expert precision, using only his nose for guidance and leverage, Archie nudged his bedraggled toy onto the top of my foot then gazed adorably up towards me. A tilt of his little head had me in fits of laughter. I find Archie’s antics extremely funny. My great nephew Charlie runs past screaming and barking, I’m less enthusiastic about his antics but I keep my feelings to myself otherwise I’ll end up in the ‘doghouse’...after all, it’s just a phase he’s going through.

I wandered off away from the kitchen and buffet as I was making a pig of myself. I took refuse in the living room, Archie came trotting behind me. His multi-tasking nose had picked up the scent from my plate of cheese and crackers. For such an active dog it becomes apparent how he’s obtained his roly-poly appearance. His insatiable appetite is to blame.

The living room is where the ‘men’ are congregated. Chris, one of my in-laws was holding court regaling us with a tale from his recent works do. The first pub they went into had one of his work colleagues completely surprised to find his coat from last years outing was still hung up on the coatrack. He’d misplaced his coat last year and thought it gone for good. What does this tell you about Chorley? It’s townsfolk are good honest citizens? Or the coat in question was simply too shit to nick?...I’d go with the latter.

In the living room I’m sat down on a pouffe near the door. One of my other in-laws says “I bet that’s not the first time you’ve sat on a pouffe?”. This prompts my other two in-laws to join in. Apparently I resemble a ‘hobo’ and all that’s missing is a begging cup at my feet. I inform my in-laws that a ‘bum’ is considered to be of lower social standing than a ‘hobo’ and would’ve been a far better pisstake. I asked them to put more thought into their derogatory insults or simply don’t bother...even Archie looks less than impressed with their poor put down. I also inform them that no, it isn’t the first time I’ve sat upon a low footstool.

I noticed that Alison’s sister had used blu-tack to stick Christmas cards to the living room walls. The grease within the sticking compound had left marks on the painted surface, a fallen card had revealed a stain. I said nothing in fear of being the bearer of bad news during a social gathering. I hope the realisation isn’t too upsetting when the cards are removed after the festive period.

In truth she’s a pretty laidback character. I expect she’ll just ask her husband to repaint the walls. He’ll do this without question as he’s now retired and likes to keep busy. However he’s extremely careful with money. He’s not a ‘tightwad’ but he’s certainly frugal to the point that he drives his car with the windows always closed as wind drag plays havoc with a vehicles fuel efficiency. Thinking about it, buying fresh paint isn’t going to get his new year off to a good start.

The talented Mr Riley:

In the car park before I’d registered for the race I bump into my friend and running rival Paul Riley. We exchange pleasantries...I call him a knobhead, he asks Alison if I address everybody in the same manner? She replies, “no, just you”. I don’t recall Paul’s riposte as there has been so many over the years: Yeti, Sasquatch, Tramp, Gimmer, Caveman...to name but a few. Paul excelled himself earlier this year when he sent me a gift through the post. Paul was thoughtful enough to supply me with a roll of white sticky labels like the ones often seen containing results after a race. Accompanying the labels was the following letter:

Dear Darren

As you seem to be getting shitter and shitter I thought I should send you these in case a race organiser just doesn’t have enough labels left to include your result!

Kind regards, Paul x.

The race that followed my ‘gift’ from Paul was Coniston fell race, which coincidently is Paul’s favourite race. I took great pleasure in comfortably beating my friend on the day. When he’d come over the finish line I stuck white sticky labels all about his sweaty torso. Each label contained a pre-written message, many of which are too explicit to air in public. Paul’s gift towards me turned out to be a great incentive...Kind regards Darren x.

Wansfell fell race is pretty straightforward...logistically. Physically it gets me every year. A fell race in late December is always going to hurt. Personally it’s been another busy year: 95 races and a Bob Graham. In truth my legs always feel fatigued with all the races but in December it’s the excessive food intake that gets me.

This year we tried but failed to be less gluttonous. The aforementioned white sticky labels come in handy. On the biscuit tin we’d stuck a label with the message “Little pickers wear big knickers”. On the bread bin reads the message “A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips”. The fridge door displays the message “Nothing taste as good as being slim feels”...all are subsequently ignored. My message of “This is where the magic happens” was removed from the bedroom door and stuck to the kitchen door. Alison has a great sense of humour...at least I think she’s joking?

Fair play to Mr Riley, he ran well at Wansfell and soundly beat me. I look forward to our good natured rivalry next year...all the best pal. Well done Josh and Kelly on their impressive wins. Many thanks to Michelle and all helpers for another great Wansfell. A special mention to Jim Tyson for his fantastic fell running cartoon calendar...we purchased one and love it.

We had a walk up Wansfell today and I had an epiphany moment. My great nephews antics at the family get together make perfect sense. Charlie was simply enjoying himself, just like I do when out on the fells. His boisterous behaviour just looks and sounds manic in the confines of a house. Try running around screaming and barking outside...I did it today, it’s liberating. Thank you Charlie...you’ve enlightened me.

[mr brightside]

Does anyone have any runner pics from friday? I'm preparing a report to circulate at work.

Just to prove to Tindersticks that he's not the only one who can waffle here's my effort:

Wansfell Pike Race 2019

Venue- Ambleside, Lake District
Course- 2.1m/3.2km length, 1330'/405m climb
Record- 18.56, Kenny Stuart, 1984
Conditions- Low cloud, drizzle, 8 deg.c

Checkpoints: Wansfell Pike summit

1st male- 20.47
1st female- 22.54 (11/181)
My time- 26.42, new PB (51/181)

The Sulzer in Motion Ninja Fell Racing Team braved the tourist trail over Christmas to line up for a record turnout (181) Wansfell Pike race. This is quite a good race to get stuck into if you think you might be any good at fell running; the minimum age to enter is 14 and it's in the heart of England's biggest fell running hotspot, the Lake District. The race begins at the bottom of Stockghyll Lane, but finishes further up at the college with a visit to the summit of the Pike in between.

It's very hard to get a good start here because everyone sets off at full speed and it's very narrow. I've been tripped here before, and it's like being decked in a Boxing Day sofa shopping stampede; you're better off safe than sorry. My race got off to a painful start when I was slapped in the eye by a tree branch that sprung off the shoulder of the person in front of me, but there was no permanent damage done. I'd done my homework this year and was hoping to avoid the painful and calamitous events of previous encounters with this hill. The biggest mistake you can make here, and the one I normally make here, is to underestimate or underprepare for the lung busting climb. You find that when you want to stand up to start back down, that you've got the legs of a jellyfish; like Shakin' Stevens on roller skates, and you definitely ain't got time to fix the shingles as you plummet off the craggy edge into the jaws of hell.

Predictably, the first runner to the turn was a 14 year old boy, who it later turned out had to pull out of the race with a stitch. However, he would have been caught, because juniors lack the descending skills of seniors. A very silly person overtook me at the checkpoint funnel which confused the marshals and cost us a few seconds, but overall my legs were feeling quite good. It was business as usual as we dropped off the summit buttress into the confusing maze of crags and sheep trods that comprise the upper reaches of the descent. The guy in front of me slipped straight on his arse and set off down the hill flat on his back, much to my amusement; an inescapable consequence of worn out shoes. I tried to navigate through the crags that separate the upward and downward routes, but screwed it up and almost fell off a small cliff. A wayward puff of wind would have forced me into jumping for it. By the time I hit the lane I’d picked up about 8 places and thankfully lost a chap behind me who was heaving and groaning like he needed the toilet very badly; I credit my swift negotiation of the stream bogs to having a dire need to get away from him, it was a bit like being chased off a hill by Chewbacca. I jumped the cattle grid 50yds from the finish because it secures your place and keeps any chasers off your tail; everyone else seems to go round it for some reason. I refused the free mince pies afterwards mainly because I can't stand them, with anything, hot or cold, they're plain awful; I splashed out on zesty Lakeland craft pale ales from the booze shop instead. Cheers!

[Travs]

Great report, and well done on the pb...

Having done that run in “training” I agree it must make a fantastic and simple race, but that descent at full speed in winter is certainly no easy task...!

[Stagger]

Brilliant Luke and now your only a couple of races behind chopsticks.