Some people say mountains aren't funny. Personally, I've always considered them to be hilly areas...
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Some people say mountains aren't funny. Personally, I've always considered them to be hilly areas...
Where do they make average things? The satisfactory ...
Three trail runners were out on a training run when they came across a set of tracks. "Those are deer tracks" said the first. "No, you are wrong, they are rabbit tracks" said the second. "You are both wrong,they are obviously sheep tracks" said the third.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows!
Man meets a genie after getting lost at a well marked fell race, the genie offers him 3 wishes, but on the basis that his wife gets double what he gets. Guy had discarded his map shortly after the start to save weight, so, not having the means to get back any time soon, accepts the genies offer. He states that his first wish shall be a pair of Oakley titanium triathlon sunglasses, the genie grants his wish and gives his wife 2 pairs. For his second wish he asks for a Bentley continental GT with a carbon tri bike rack on the boot, the genie grants his wish and his Mrs gets 2 cars. One wish left says the genie, do you want directions back to the race route? As a triathlete you clearly rely on taped barriers and paid marshals to repeat to you parrot fashion what you should be doing. No, says the man, as he unclips a gel from his gel belt and gets ready; for my third wish I want you to beat me half to death.
My granddad's old Carlton tourer had one of those. My aim was always to see how rapidly I could make it click.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark G
Plusnet
I don't like my hands.
That's why I keep them at arms length!
What do cowboys pay for marsupials?
A buckaroo !!!
I admit I was wrong about how good my chiropractor is - I stand corrected...
My life coach asked me 'where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I said "I think we'll still be using mirrors then"
What do you call a judge with no thumbs? Justice Fingers......taaah daaaah!
Nats :)
So, I've read that in Dubai they never watch the Flintstones...
but...
Abu Ahabi Do
I've ordered a chicken and an egg, separately from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
A joke for those who have a collie:
Knock knock
Bark, bark, bark, bark....
What's the sweetest subject on the curriculum?
History!
Why?
Cos it's full of dates...
What is a fat pumpkin called?
A plumpkin.
What is a pumpkin from the Yorkshire Dales called?
A bumpkin
Staying with the curriculum theme...
How often do I tell Chemistry jokes?
Periodically.
Although I'm clinically obese, I self-identify as thin. I'm trans-slender...
Tried to tell my friend from Liverpool a joke about the stormy weather today. Sadly, she said she 'didn't gerrit'
St Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when 40 Liverpool fans showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, St. Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the 10 most virtuous from the group.
A few minutes later, St Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone."
"What? All of the Liverpool fans are gone?" asked God.
"No" replied St Peter "The Pearly Gates!"
Just melt their guns down, plenty of metal there for a new set.
To the person who nicked my camouflage jacket and flips-flops, if you're out there reading this, you can hide but you can't run.
A woman is sitting at her husband's funeral, when a man approaches and leans towards her. "Would you mind if I say a word?" the man asks her. "Of course. Please go ahead" she replies. So he walks to the front, turns, and looking solemn says aloud, "Plethora" , before returning to his seat. "Thank you", said the woman, "that means a lot".....
Well it made me laugh.;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Mossdog