Today's Joke

Got any udder cow jokes? :rolleyes:

when did pinnochio find out he was made of wood?




When he first masturbated and his hand caught fire!!

A man in a hot air balloon, realising he was lost, reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended further and shouted to the lady,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in IT," said the balloonist. "Actually I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct but I've no idea what to make of your information
and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are
in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my * ** * * * * fault..."

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

If you liked that, it was mine. If you didn't, an older boy told me to do it. Cheers Bigfella. ;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Multiterrainer

A man in a hot air balloon, realising he was lost, reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended further and shouted to the lady,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in IT," said the balloonist. "Actually I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct but I've no idea what to make of your information
and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are
in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my * ** * * * * fault..."

---

The same man is flying over Ireland and sees a peasant in the field and so he shouts down and asks "I say do you know where I am sir?"
Paddy replies " Ha ha bejabers, begorrah, begad, you don't fool me mister. you're hiding up in that there basket!"

Rafa walks into church and says "forgive me father for I have sinned"
The priest says "come forth my child"
Rafa says "come forth you pillock, i'll be lucky if we finish 10th"

In the sleepy village of Erbum near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire, lives a woman called Linda Lykes. She is the land lady of the local pub called the Cockwell Inn. For some unknown reason, she gets embarrased whenever she receives her post:

Linda Lykes
The Cockwell Inn
Erbum
Tillet, Herts

:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wharfeego

In the sleepy village of Erbum near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire, lives a woman called Linda Lykes. She is the land lady of the local pub called the Cockwell Inn. For some unknown reason, she gets embarrased whenever she receives her post:

Linda Lykes
The Cockwell Inn
Erbum
Tillet, Herts

:D

---

:eek::D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wharfeego

In the sleepy village of Erbum near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire, lives a woman called Linda Lykes. She is the land lady of the local pub called the Cockwell Inn. For some unknown reason, she gets embarrased whenever she receives her post:

Linda Lykes
The Cockwell Inn
Erbum
Tillet, Herts

:D

---

Brilliant!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wharfeego

In the sleepy village of Erbum near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire, lives a woman called Linda Lykes. She is the land lady of the local pub called the Cockwell Inn. For some unknown reason, she gets embarrased whenever she receives her post:

Linda Lykes
The Cockwell Inn
Erbum
Tillet, Herts

:D

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I don't get it:confused:
But obviously Mrs. Lykes does:D