Today's poet

A Toast to the Lassies...
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Women's Minds

Tho' women's minds , like winter winds,
May shift, and turn, an' a' that,
The noblest breast adores them maist,
A consequence I draw that.

For a' that, an' a' that,
And twice as meikle's a' that;
The bonie lass that I loe best
She'll be my ain for a' that.

Great love I bear to a' the fair ,
Their humble slave, an' a' that;
But lordly will, I hold it still
A mortal sin to thraw that.

But there is ane aboon the lave ,
Has wit, and sense, an' a' that;
A bonie lass, I like her best,
And wha a crime dare ca' that?

In rapture sweet this hour we meet,
Wi' mutual love an' a' that,
But for how lang the flie may stang ,
Let inclination law that.

Their tricks an' craft hae put me daft .
They've taen me in, an' a' that;
But clear your decks, and here's, "The Sex!"
I like the jads for a' that.

The Vegetarian Haggis

Whit’s this you’ve put upon ma plate?
It looks familiar, aw, but wait
A classic ye wid imitate
But whit’s within?
I fear it couldnae be sae great
It is a sin

Its measly size, its measly wecht
The contents I can hardly check
Still, its politic’lly correct
To serve the few
Wha feel that eatin’ meat’s no richt
Whit can ye do?

“Don’t eat meat it’s far too risky”
Says some wummin frae San Franciscae
Nae wunner she’s no actin’ frisky
It’s awfy sad
We’ll soon hae alcohol-free whisky
Or some new fad

It’s allergy this and intolerance that,
Diet, detox, low carb tat
You’ll soon jist hiv tae eat yer hat
Gie it a chew
It’s high in fibre and low in fat
An’ recycled too

Let’s not lose oor joy tae eat
Be it nuts, fruit, grains or meat
Oor time is short, we shouldnae greet
But mak the most
Of ev’ry meal however fleet
Let’s raise a toast

So in our world of greenhouse gasses
Service culture, kissing asses
Embrace our new food for the masses
Like onion bhajees.
Here’s to it now, please raise your glasses
The VEGGIE HAGGIS!

Bob House

[QUOTE=XRunner;299930][
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
[FONT=Times New Roman]

I really adore this line - must remember this as a handy insult:D

Some crackin stuff on here tonight, in the absence of whiskey I'm off to make hot milk and I wish you all a very goodnight!

:):D:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hes

The Vegetarian Haggis

Whit’s this you’ve put upon ma plate?
It looks familiar, aw, but wait
A classic ye wid imitate
But whit’s within?
I fear it couldnae be sae great
It is a sin

Its measly size, its measly wecht
The contents I can hardly check
Still, its politic’lly correct
To serve the few
Wha feel that eatin’ meat’s no richt
Whit can ye do?

“Don’t eat meat it’s far too risky”
Says some wummin frae San Franciscae
Nae wunner she’s no actin’ frisky
It’s awfy sad
We’ll soon hae alcohol-free whisky
Or some new fad

It’s allergy this and intolerance that,
Diet, detox, low carb tat
You’ll soon jist hiv tae eat yer hat
Gie it a chew
It’s high in fibre and low in fat
An’ recycled too

Let’s not lose oor joy tae eat
Be it nuts, fruit, grains or meat
Oor time is short, we shouldnae greet
But mak the most
Of ev’ry meal however fleet
Let’s raise a toast

So in our world of greenhouse gasses
Service culture, kissing asses
Embrace our new food for the masses
Like onion bhajees.
Here’s to it now, please raise your glasses
The VEGGIE HAGGIS!

Bob House

---

Sheer bloody brilliant:D Thanks Hes

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hes

The Vegetarian Haggis

Whit’s this you’ve put upon ma plate?
It looks familiar, aw, but wait
A classic ye wid imitate
But whit’s within?
I fear it couldnae be sae great
It is a sin

Its measly size, its measly wecht
The contents I can hardly check
Still, its politic’lly correct
To serve the few
Wha feel that eatin’ meat’s no richt
Whit can ye do?

“Don’t eat meat it’s far too risky”
Says some wummin frae San Franciscae
Nae wunner she’s no actin’ frisky
It’s awfy sad
We’ll soon hae alcohol-free whisky
Or some new fad

It’s allergy this and intolerance that,
Diet, detox, low carb tat
You’ll soon jist hiv tae eat yer hat
Gie it a chew
It’s high in fibre and low in fat
An’ recycled too

Let’s not lose oor joy tae eat
Be it nuts, fruit, grains or meat
Oor time is short, we shouldnae greet
But mak the most
Of ev’ry meal however fleet
Let’s raise a toast

So in our world of greenhouse gasses
Service culture, kissing asses
Embrace our new food for the masses
Like onion bhajees.
Here’s to it now, please raise your glasses
The VEGGIE HAGGIS!

Bob House

---

Nice one Hes! A poem for our times. Though I can imagine Rabbie hurtling through the mists of time towards you at this very moment wielding a bloody great claymore!

Gentlemen, please rise...

Together we stand, here in praise,
For the women around us and in our days,
Like Robert Burns, he once knew
That we love our lassies, though he had more than a few

When in our arms, they bring us untold pleasure
These are our lassies, for they are a true treasure,
We seek to marry them, it is said
For nothing more than to get them to ... bwed.

They feed our spirit, they feed our soul
For many of us, they fill our bowl.
They care for us, they keep us well
Though occasionally, they make it feel like ... hellaven.

They teach us manners, they teach us style,
For many of us, that takes quite a while.
They improve with age, while we do not
For that is clear, looking at you lot.

For the parcel of rogues, I see here tonight,
It is truly amazing, our lassies don't take flight,
For they put up with our habits, and we have all sorts,
Such as control of the remote and our preoccupation with sports.

For our lassies we would run sixty miles,
It must be because, of their feminine wiles.
Over heathery mountain and scroggy glen
We seek them out now and then.

But,
Tonight we stand, here in praise,
So join me lads, let your voices raise.
Prepare to toast, fill up your glasses,
Join me now, to our bonnie lassies.

To the Lassies !

(anon)

Hey OW! Think you were right about Rabbie...my computer crashed and its taken me ages to get back here!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Hes

Hey OW! Think you were right about Rabbie...my computer crashed and its taken me ages to get back here!

---

well.....posting poems about veggie haggis on 25th January. Inviting trouble!

and this reminds me....the Ben Nevis entries are out this week, and seeing as I didn't post mine today, I might have missed out again. Will do that tomorrow.
Any other poets up for 'the ben'?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Old Whippet

well.....posting poems about veggie haggis on 25th January. Inviting trouble!

and this reminds me....the Ben Nevis entries are out this week, and seeing as I didn't post mine today, I might have missed out again. Will do that tomorrow.
Any other poets up for 'the ben'?

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Could be OW! Sounds good. Will check my diary and all being well, I'll get an application off. Hope you get in.