Brilliant Last man and Leaf.
Both inspirational words.
Thankyou
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Brilliant Last man and Leaf.
Both inspirational words.
Thankyou
I watched a close relative of mine wrestle with the black dog. I felt helpless (sometimes you can be too close) but I saw the support that came in from others more remote...and the true concern that flooded in when things were at their worst and how that probably saved the situation. That person is now flying high again. So Stagger, there is light ahead. Carry on sharing here and your forum chums will help you through. Take care, be steady. Remember, its one day at a time. We are all pulling for you.
Cheers Wheeze your a true forumite.
Bereavement, rejection and divorce are all tough to take.
Group them up with depression and times are not nice at all.
Sorry to hear that, Stagger. Life can be really tough sometimes, can't it?
But then fell runners are very tough too, so keep plodding on, one step at a time and the going will get easier eventually. Best wishes.
Saw the Doc and Councillor this week and can only smile.
We talked about stressful events in life mainly the top 5.
I hit them all.:(
Divorce, in the middle of it and I'm the one who has been rejected
Bereavement, buried my mum in June last member of my family (Dad and younger brother + all grandparents gone)
Moving house, moved out of family home in March, moving back home this weekend
Illness, had a Heart operation in October
Work, lecturer in a college, very stressful time.
Add all that lot to a person with a mental illness and the results are not good.
Over drinking, over eating and no motivation to run or train of any sorts, just turned into a slob.
Thank god my sons love me as life is pants at this time.
Thanks for listening, I just had to get it off my chest.
You missed another one about being ugly!
Name your poison this week and I'll be there.
What about Gt Whernside or even Lothersdale and a swift gill?
Let me know:D
I've overcome a big hurdle. Moved house �� today.
Hard work and stressful.
Job done though
��
Keep on getting out and doing something, Trev, that's what used to help me a lot. I remember once being stood on the little footbridge half way round Grimwith and feeling like all was lost; as if by magic a beam of sunlight shot out from the angry sky and illuminated a small patch of hillside with me at the centre. It didn't solve my problems, but it made me feel a little bit better and reminded me that i might be worth half a shit to the world after all.
Get yourself up Great Whernside on the 22nd Oct. i'll likely be marshalling because i've gone and dropped another injury bollock.
Nice one Stagger
Thanks for sharing Stagger (and everyone else) I don't know you and I don't think I've met you but a lot of what has been said does chime with my personal experiences with friends and immediate family. I feel the lurk of the black dog at times, not as seriously as people here have described, but it is something that altogether probably won’t ever leave me, but can be managed through support of friends, family, and a dose of outdoors clichéd though it sounds it works for me. A good shot of gallows humour always helps too!
Keep on sharing, there is a lot of value in this thread.
Look after yourself Trev and hopefully see you at a race soon
Hang in there Stagger.
I am another who has never met you apart from on here. I really do wish you all the best.
Hopefully bump into you on the fells sometime.
Good news that you have moved into your new home Stagger. It's always good to have a safe, secure place while you sort out the demons. You have friends to help you if you let them. Take up a few of their offers and get up a hill (walking or running) sometime soon. The 1st step out that door is always the hardest. Good luck fella, keep the fell running faith, nature heals x
Stagger - I can identify with much of what you wrote. So much so, in fact, that I can't find words
so instead, I'll offer you a safe cyber-hug
<hug>
Eh up Stagger. Don't go quiet on us! Hope all has gone well with the move. Onwards and upwards......thats why fell running is such a good lesson in life. Keep us posted. No pressure mind!
Thanks again for all your support.
I'm now back in the matrimonial home with my 2 son's.
The divorce nici is going through.
Just the lousy business of sorting out the financial situation.
Her advisor says 50/50, I need to look into this as it's harsh and not fair.
She has Been almost a professional runner for last 5 years.
100m, 50m + fellsman, BG, etc and all with me working full weeks.
Not happy.
Stagger, I'm pleased to hear you're back in your home. Other things will sort themselves out.
Can I give you one piece of advice, learned from my own painful experience? Assuming you have enough money to make ends meet, take the 50/50 and move on. You can spend a lot of time, effort, stress and solicitor's fees trying to get something different and it really isn't worth it. The most important thing is to get your life back on track and moving forwards. Take the deal, don't ever regret it and don't ever think "what if".
Cheers mr1470, I understand what you say but I have always been a battler.
I'm going to see what we can agree to, which would be my preferred solution although if battle ensues I will be like rocky.��
Thats an interesting reply Stagger. One should never offer advice to someone you don't know but looking at it from, lets say, a generic standpoint, the fall back position of a 'battler' might not be the most effective way through this. That creates its own stresses. These can be constructive or destructive. Only you can judge which. All I will say is that Mr1470 offers sage advice. Walk away from pain with peace in your heart and mind.
Thanks fellas.
I understand what your saying.
Hopefully all parties will see sense before the solicitors have a feeding frenzy.
Good on you Trev
However I also believe that 50% is a good deal.My first wife had taken loans out against me etc.
In the end it cost me £65000 and the solicitor said "well do you think it was worth it?"
Seeing sense I replied Yes it was worth every penny:cool:
You have my sympathy for everything. Only comment I would make is that with your wife/ex also accessing the forum some things are best kept privateQuote:
Originally Posted by Stagger
All the best and hope it all works out for all concerned
Loads going on in my head, that's what depression does.
You might be right on reflection.
Heyho you still can't alter the truth.
If she read's it I've said and done nothing wrong to upset or wind up anyone.
Depression is about sharing problem's and talking things through.
I'm on max dose tablets and regular counselling.
Life is extremely tough at the moment and sharing and receiving advice is always welcome.
I thank all who take time to read or reply to this thread.
Well, after 2 full weekends cleaning my home since moving back in from rented accommodation.(not up to my or sons standards)
I now find myself visiting hospital for sons girlfriend who was rushed in with fits and lost of speech and paralysed. After spinal fluid was tested and an mri scan it was discovered she's got encephalitis.
That was a scary couple of days. Things will start picking up soon but with work and looking after a house and family and with a divorce in the background life is tough and running none existent.
Roll on next year.
Stagger
I assume by counselling the brand/type is CBT? being a battler is great, but as you will know through CBT, putting energy into how things 'must be' only serves to make a feeling of injustice stronger and as a consequence adds to the depression. A prominent behaviourist by the name of Albert Ellis, in his brand of CBT called rational Emotive therapy, coined a well termed phrase of 'Mustabation'. By this he references the phenomena by which humans who require something or an outcome to be in a particular way, are setting themselves up for gross disappointment if the outcome is different. As an alternative Ellis advocates phrases and thinking along the lines of, "It would be nice", OR " This is what I would ideally like". In other words lessen the internal demand and avoid the disappointment.
CBT works on principles of thoughts precede feelings. By controlling those thoughts or restructuring them to be more moderate we end up being kinder to ourselves and hence begin to reverse the negative processes that cycle into low mood and depression.
perhaps planning on how you would build your future on a 50/50 split (even if its not really what you want) would be a good approach as others above have said.
The health warning to the above is I am not a CBT therapist, but have been a manager of IAPT and CBT services in primary and secondary MH services and the principles of CBT do work.
Thankyou, there I some great points which I will take to my next season.
Much appreciated.
Haven't forgotten you, Stagger - how are things going?
Had a visit from the black dog again on sunday. Not getting out early doors on sundays (only happens on sundays:confused:) can transport me back to the bad days when all my mates started settling down with gals and stopped doing things outdoors. I feel anxious and isolated for no apparent or current reason, and this can let the black dog back in. It worsened as lunchtime approached and there was no going back, even a walk round my favourite reservoir could not loosen the grip the black dog's jaws had on my throat. Every concievable negative emotion hit me like an express train, i was in the teeth of a force 9. You have to try hard not to implode and treat it as a war of attrition. My brain feels damaged and is taking its time to recuperate, the whole episode had no logic or reason to it. Sometimes you get caught out, you forget that once the black dog has had a taste of you it never leaves you, it just keeps following at a distance waiting for you to let your guard down. I'm going to be chatting to a few people in the near future about coping mechanisms and how to harness my subconscious mind to the task of defeating the black dog. All of this is the product of a part of my mind i currently have no control over; i think there are new techniques that can be used to tap into its potential. I've been mauled these past few days, but i'm stepping it up a gear and taking the fight to the dog.
Sorry to hear that you are suffering this, Mr B; but your last few sentences at least show that you are facing this problem with the same determination that you seem to apply to your numerous running injuries. I imagine that depression will be a tougher nut to crack than tendon or muscle problems, and it can be particularly tough if you are living alone, but don't ever give up!
Wishing you success in defeating this one.
Cheers Anthony, i've been on and off for nearly 12yrs now, self-help has gotten me as far as it can really, the next step is professional assistance. It's frightening how acute it can get so quickly, some therapy and coping techniques should give me a boost, but no drugs- none at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by anthonykay
The best thing about this thread is the realisation that it can happen to anyone and you are not alone. I've been following it quietly for a while... The black dog has followed me around for the last 15 years. The birth of my first child three years ago brought everything to a head and as I wasn't coping (having a child made me feel very lonely, it seems odd, but I know other people who have felt the same) I was forced into getting professional help as much for the sake of my family as for me and because I was close to ending it all. It did help dramatically. It helped me understand better what was going on in my head and how to recognise even the earliest signs of a dip. I'm quite scientific and analytical and so an analytical approach to my depression helps me drag myself out of it, eventually. Although this same analysis can sometimes lead me to over analyse things in my life and causes me to become depressed. I can't win!
However, for me, the most powerful thing that has often dragged me back up was a friend telling me," instead of thinking I must or I have to or I can't do, think, I get to." So I get to go to work each day, I get to have my wife, my children, I get to walk my dog etc. It seemed a cheesy thing to say at first, but at the first sign of me slipping it has dragged me up a good number of times. I have a stressful job ( don't we all) but now rather than wake up and think I can't face going into work, I often find myself saying at least I get to go to work. You get the idea. Give it a go, but I can't recommend professional help highly enough. It's good to talk to someone who won't judge you, won't become angry with you because they are not emotionally attached to you and because they understand what is actually going on in the mind. I'm a lot lot better now. Not perfect, but I would call myself generally happy. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck.
I've recently undertaken a self-help therapy called 'The Work' as detailed in the book 'Loving What Is' by Byron Katie. I'm not out of the woods with it yet having been taken on the wildest and most frightening psychological ride of my life; and i did it all with my own mind and little outside assistance. I've uncovered things buried in my subconscious which are set to have life changing implications, the degree of internal conflict going on in my mind is terrifying. All the bad shit is fighting for its place in my head and all hell has broken loose. I'll offer up a full report when i'm finished tumbling down the rabbit hole.
Respect Luke. Keep yourself safe mate ��
That doesn't sound good, Brightside. Take care of yourself and let us know if we can help in anyway. Always happy to listen.
PS. (and I feel I'm making myself vulnerable in admitting this, but here goes...)
After a very long wait, I've finally got an appointment with a psychologist next week. It's just for an initial 'assessment', which to my mind makes it a test that I might well fail.
Spare a thought for me next Thursday.
Best of luck to you all. Keep going MrB, we are all wishing you well working through whatever is hurting you. Hope all goes well next Thursday Leaf, let us know how you get on.
xx
All the best Leaf, will spare a thought for you.
Actually it's the inevitable result of the process, it's unpleasant because the conscious mind struggles with the meaning of what it has uncovered. As soon as the program is 'installed' and accepted as a working model through your first realisation that 'The Work' works; your subconscious mind, which is 20 times more powerful than your consious mind goes to work without instruction. It uncovers all the corrupted thought patterns and damage from childhood (big area of influence) and tries to unseat the lot. This occurs through you having one moment of clarity after another, over and over again. The conscious mind finds it very hard to process and analyse the results and really needs to be told, you go into a state of total internal conflict, and i'm glad i had help from a clued-up source with this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Leaf
You're much braver than I am, Mr B. I fear I'd be fatally consumed if I were to try such a thing. I do hope it proves to be an ultimately healing and helpful process for you, though, and very much look forward to hearing how you get on. In the meantime, I wish you all the best and inner strength and outside help that you need to work through all the bad stuff. Take it just one step at a time.
Well at 10.30 on Wed morning my Decree Nisi will be read in court.
6 week then to the absolute and another chapter in my life come's to a close.
4 grand parents, 2 parents, my only brother and a marriage. All gone.
Glass empty, hangover tomorrow ��