Real Madrid have today risked the wrath of Manchester United manager
Sir Alex Ferguson by planning an audacious world record bid for
prolific Manchester United striker “Own Goal”.

With 10 goals already this season, Goal is Manchester United’s 2nd top
scorer, two ahead of perpetually sedated Bulgarian hitman Dimitar
Berbatov.

Goal, who regularly partners fellow Utd striker “Dodgy Injury Time
Winner” up front, is thought to be flattered by the interest from the
Spanish giants.

Own Goal’s agent, Paul Stretford, told reporters, “Of course he’s
flattered, but he’s a United player and he’s very happy here.”

“And apart from that, I’m not sure there are many defences as dire as
Portsmouth’s in La Liga, so he may not get the same service in Spain.”

Interest

Real Madrid are understood to have been put on high alert after Own
Goal’s spectacular hat-trick against Portsmouth last weekend.

Spanish paper Marca have reported that Own Goal is the number one
target for Madrid this summer, with Madrid’s president Perez quoted as
saying, “You know I don’t like to talk about other clubs and their
players, but I’ll do everything I can to get Manchester United’s Own
Goal this summer.”

“Despite reaching double figures for the season after banging in
another at Villa Park this week, I actually hope he hits a dry spell
for the rest of the season - then we won’t have to pay as much as we
did for that greasy, diving, moaning little degenerate last summer.”

Praise

Berbatov, who has so far failed to impress at his time at United, has
nothing but praise for his fellow striker.

“The manager demands that we score, and Own Goal has come a long way
this season, he’s a pleasure to play with, as it means I have to run
even less - so I’m obviously chuffed,” concluded the only man alive
who makes the Panda look hyperactive.

United’s top scorer, Wayne Rooney, wants to see Own Goal - whose
nationality isn’t certain - declare himself for England and play in
this years World Cup.

“Heskey, Defoe and Crouch, the three of them can P*ss off, I want to
play up top with Ownie,” said Rooney.

Sir Alex Ferguson however, is understood to be fuming at Real Madrid,
who have yet again disrupted one of his best players in mid season.

“I wouldn’t sell that mob Own Goal” he was understood to have said.

“He’s our player and playing him means we don’t have to play that
little scouser Michael Owen, which is a result” concluded the fiery
Scot.

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Made me chuckle