Bulking Up

[JohnM32]

Hi guys,

Just thought I'd give you an update on what happened. I would have come on earlier but I don't have my phone any more so not been able to get on the internet very easily. My mum doesn't like me using the internet much after catching me on sites showing you how to make home made weapons.

Me and my friend went to the pub after having a few drinks at his and I was feeling confident that I had taken on board all the advice given on here. I'd pre-mixed my washing up liquid and perfected the flip cap technique so was ready to go.

Anyway, the guy came in with with just the one of his mates who I thought looked like a rugby player. We managed to avoid their attention for most of the night but they were between me and the toilet and the WKDs had worked their way through my system and I was bursting for a piss. When he went outside for a smoke, I took my chance and rushed to the loo. I was as quick as I can but its quite hard to piss quickly so I ended up with a lot of splashback.

I was leaving the toilet and as I opened the door, I was confronted by this guy and his mate. Remembering Eavesy's advice, I tried to take him by surprise and went for the ear but I think I'd had too many drinks as I ended up stroking him on the cheek which didn't go down too well. The guy then started shouting "you f*cking f*aggot, get off me" so I went for plan B and started to reach into my pocket for the bottle. His mate saw me reaching for the pocket and shouted "he's got a weapon" as he rugby tackled me to the floor. They searched my pockets and took my phone and the bottle.

The guy who has been after me took the bottle and looked at it. "What's this? It smells like piss" as he threw it on the floor. The bottle exploded as it hit the floor - presumably because of the ammonia and bicarbonate of soda that I'd added to it - and it soaked all 3 of us.

I managed to wriggle free in the disruption and legged it out the door but he still has my phone and was on my facebook all day yesterday pretending to be me leaving nasty messages. He also sent me a message saying that I'm going to get a beating for the incident in the pub.

Got to go now. My mum's telling me to get off the internet.

John

[Multiterrainer]

Hi guys,

Just thought I'd give you an update on what happened. I would have come on earlier but I don't have my phone any more so not been able to get on the internet very easily. My mum doesn't like me using the internet much after catching me on sites showing you how to make home made weapons.

Me and my friend went to the pub after having a few drinks at his and I was feeling confident that I had taken on board all the advice given on here. I'd pre-mixed my washing up liquid and perfected the flip cap technique so was ready to go.

Anyway, the guy came in with with just the one of his mates who I thought looked like a rugby player. We managed to avoid their attention for most of the night but they were between me and the toilet and the WKDs had worked their way through my system and I was bursting for a piss. When he went outside for a smoke, I took my chance and rushed to the loo. I was as quick as I can but its quite hard to piss quickly so I ended up with a lot of splashback.

I was leaving the toilet and as I opened the door, I was confronted by this guy and his mate. Remembering Eavesy's advice, I tried to take him by surprise and went for the ear but I think I'd had too many drinks as I ended up stroking him on the cheek which didn't go down too well. The guy then started shouting "you f*cking f*aggot, get off me" so I went for plan B and started to reach into my pocket for the bottle. His mate saw me reaching for the pocket and shouted "he's got a weapon" as he rugby tackled me to the floor. They searched my pockets and took my phone and the bottle.

The guy who has been after me took the bottle and looked at it. "What's this? It smells like piss" as he threw it on the floor. The bottle exploded as it hit the floor - presumably because of the ammonia and bicarbonate of soda that I'd added to it - and it soaked all 3 of us.

I managed to wriggle free in the disruption and legged it out the door but he still has my phone and was on my facebook all day yesterday pretending to be me leaving nasty messages. He also sent me a message saying that I'm going to get a beating for the incident in the pub.

Got to go now. My mum's telling me to get off the internet.

John

Looking forward to the next instalment already John

Just one piece of advice - get off the WKD and start drinking proper real ale:wink:

[Derby Tup]

Love the bit about mum's concern about home made weapons

[Brotherton Lad]

Are you sure she's your mother?

[JohnM32]

Just spoke to my new girlfriend at her work. I am so over that guys girlfriend - I know I'm only young but I think she may be The One.

Think I'm gonna call back and ask for her mobile so I can call her after her shift. She's a TV star - she'll be on Sky tonight. Channel 906

[stevefoster]

Ever thought about writing a book John? You seem very good at fictional work. Lot of money in it. You could buy your new girlfriend some clothes, she doesn't seem to have much to wear

[plodding bear]

What does your mother make of your new girlfriend, John? Has she been round for tea yet?
Glad the pub incident went ok, with not too much bloodshed. Dunno what to suggest about the phone, though. Perhaps others on here will have an idea...

[oleg beaviz]

well done John M32,
Sounds like you got away pretty lightly the other night. I'd've thought your average nutter, plus rugby pal, both covered in piss, wouldn't've needed a 2nd invitation to finish you off!
Stay lucky!

[JohnM32]

Just one piece of advice - get off the WKD and start drinking proper real ale:wink:

Multiterrainer, I wish that you hadn't provided me with this advice. I went to visit my friend Mike in Sheffield for the weekend and he took me to this pub called the Frog and Parrot where we were drinking an ale called Roger and Out, although they only served it in half pints.

I dont want to go into too much detail but my friends dad had to put us both in the bath at 3am as we were covered in sick. However, Mike's dad reckons that I did a dirty protest in the bath whilst he was washing me. He then put me to bed in Mike's bed and when he checked on me, I'd opened his underwear drawer and had been sick in it. I think I'll stick to the WKD in future.

Been to a Military Fitness Class this morning - feel stronger already. Have got Kickboxing on Tuesday.

[JohnM32]

What does your mother make of your new girlfriend, John? Has she been round for tea yet?
Glad the pub incident went ok, with not too much bloodshed. Dunno what to suggest about the phone, though. Perhaps others on here will have an idea...

Thanks Plodding Bear. She's not given me her mobile number yet so not been able to arrange a meeting. Have spoken to her over the last few days a couple of times and she always laughs at my jokes so its a good start.