Young Love

[Antisocial]

There was a thread on this before but i could not see it so will start again.

Was chatting to someone who has been a good friend from before the dawn of time (yes I have one) who was talking to 2 women we knew in our 20's (not friends - apparently i was arrogant, full of myself and thought I knew it all - no idea what they are talking about )

Anyway all 4 of us have daughters who are 15/16 and the 2 fishwives let their daughters sleep in their houses with their boyfriends.One has younger children and the rule is if they are in the house boyfriend can sleep in her bed but they cannot have sex. One has a much older boyfriend (18+). Now my and my friends daughters at not at that stage yet though her daughter (15) has an 18 year old sniffing around her.

If my daughter becomes sexually active whilst she is still quite young though her mother and i would dearly like to stop her we know we could not and would want to make sure she is safe and properly protected, however we would not tolerate her boyfriend sleeping over in her room.

Also I am not sure what I would think about an 18 year old seeing my daughter when she is 15/16

What do people think of this and reasoned argument please not just the "I would lop his b*ll*cks off" approach. Nice to hear from the ladies on this.

Also where this has happened perhaps when the child is older and you allow them to sleep together in your house how have people decided this - length of relationship, age etc?

[Roadrunner]

I've watched this thread with interest today Antisocial. I can't believe after the number of people who have viewed it and from how quick many on here are to share their views that not one person has responded.
This is something I have been considering recently after reading something else on a similar topic. I think it was via an online news publication. Obviously my daughter is not at this stage of her life yet being only three but I would be very confortable allowing my daughter to share her bedroom with any boyfriend, regardless of age difference until she was 18. Then I don't think I could say much. The age difference thing is always tricky as I often see working in schools. 16 year old girls in year 11 don't want to date boys in their year group as they tend to be immature in comparrison. I often see girls from my school going out with older boys 17, 18, 19 years old. But is it right, is it wrong?
All I know is the more you try and prevent something, the more likely they are to go against it.

[Flightless Bird]

I am so glad that I have 2 lads, however.
It is obviously a parents nightmare that their daughter becomes an "adult", and therefore the 15/16 yr age must be the most difficult for any parent. Perhaps even younger if the child is "advanced."
My thoughts are that the 15 yr old child is under age end of story - do as they are told, but the 16 yr old isn't so apart from any moral misgivings then not a lot a parent can do apart from help and advice. I suppose if the 16yr old says I am going to have sex whatever you say then parents have a very difficult decision whether to kick the 16yr old out or just advise and put up with it knowing that they are at least safe in your home.
It is quite odd though that we have concerns about an 18yr old lad going with a 16yr old girl. What about 19/17 or 20/18 or 21/19.........?

[Roadrunner]

But 21/19 breaks no law.

[Flightless Bird]

Neither does 16/17

[Roadrunner]

Neither does 16/17

But 15 does as in AS post.

[Rob Furness]

...but I would be very confortable allowing my daughter to share her bedroom with any boyfriend, regardless of age difference until she was 18. Then I don't think I could say much.

I'm confused, did you mean "wouldn't"?

[Antisocial]

But 15 does as in AS post.

I think the issue is not about stopping them having sex, its about boundaries and allowing them to have it in the house with you essentially and other family members present. Especially thinking what messages this sends out to other younger children. My family know i slept with later girlfriends and accepted it, but they did not expect me to do it at home and if people stayed seperate bedrooms were provided and we respected that. As I said if she becomes sexually active at a young age my major concern would be that she do it safely.

In the cases I cite one girl is still 16 but started at 15 and the other is still 15.

Re age differences I think the concern is undue influence and differences in life experience.

[IanDarkpeak]

Tricky one, My daughter is 13 is mature in some aspects but still young in others. at 16 would I let her? honest answer is I don't know yet, I would hope I've brought her up right and I could trust her.
One thing I would say though is that if they(any kids) want to have sex they'll find a time and place. wouldn't you prefer it to be in safe enviroment? Met my god sons girl friend last week both 16 and they seem to be in a very mature adult relationship which was a bit of shock, but they are growing up. At the end of next year he'll be leaving home for uni? you have to give them that first step at somepoint.

It is quite odd though that we have concerns about an 18yr old lad going with a 16yr old girl. What about 19/17 or 20/18 or 21/19.........?

20-17 when I met my wife, 25 year coming up in sept! some would say she's the adult in our relationship

[JohnM32]

I can only speak from my experience but my mum was worried about my sexuality when I was 16 and actually set me up with her friend who was just divorced from her husband. She had no problem with her staying over and in fact preferred it as she thought it would be a bit weird at hers because her kids are older than me.