Anger management

[CL]

Friday was crap. It all started when i was refitting the heater matrix/blower fan box back into the car, after having removed it to test the fan which was fine as i suspected; but the removal was necessary. The matrix enclosure is a big plastic box in the bowels of your car dashboard which all the heater controls are connected to, it's a sod to remove on any car.

During reinstallation i trapped one of the motor wires and it wouldn't pull through into the engine bay because the crimped connection was too large. I dropped the matrix box further down off its studs but it wasn't having it, at this point i began to believe the thing was fighting me deliberately. I tried to yank the wire back through hoping to recrimp the end and be done with it rather than taking the matrix box all the way back out, but snatched at it in annoyance and ripped the other end out of the blower motor too. Realising this meant a full stripdown and soldering iron job my head went; the dashboard got a pounding and now the glovebox doesn't shut, the back door got a whack and now has a row of knuckle dents in the door, lastly i slammed the passenger door so hard that the window exploded into diamond dust. On the way back into the house to turn the soldering iron on i punched a wooden board a few times.

Mr B I know it wasn't supposed to be funny but your description above had me rolling around on the floor. The sequence of steps coincide with great comedies like Laurel and Hardy, where a relatively simple job ends up as a major catastrophe. Also great cartoons where inanimate objects frustrate the intentions of the main characters.

I think when you read back over it in a week or two you will also see the funny side and perhaps that will help you see the error of your way.

[FarFromTheFells]

Hi Mr B

I'm rubbish at the whole empathy and understanding people thing, so I won't pretend to know how you feel - I can just give you some insights into my similar experiences and I hope you can draw something useful from them.

I suffered from Generalised Anxiety Disorder for a long time until my behaviour around my family (especially) was getting out of control. I felt very stressesed most of the time (usually by work,) felt negative towards work colleagues, had low self-esteem and took my temper out on my wife and kids (although never physically). I was known as 'Grumpy Dad'. The worst thing was that I wasn't really aware of how I was affecting others - although I could see that my relationships were suffering and I needed to do something.

I saw my GP who referred me on to a course of CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). I was sceptical at first, but I had around 12 1 hour sessions, and the therapist really helped me turn things around.

The therapy itself is talking therapy (no pills !) and for me the aims were to help me understand what it is that triggers my behaviour, to understand how to spot these triggers early, to learn to avoid the behaviour and understand that it doesn't actually achieve any good to continue the behaviour, to get a better understanding of what others think of me (this was astonishing and was so much more positive than my own perception of myself), and to develop my own self-esteem and assertiveness skills (as opposed to aggression).

Well, I'm still no angel, but I can more easily sense when I'm going downhill and can apply the techniques to stop myself spiralling further. Sometimes it also takes my wife to help me spot the signs (I taught her how to let me know without getting my back up further). I structure my activities so that there are clear cut-offs between my work-day and my home life, I try to spend more quality time with the family, remind myself that ruminating over things that stress me out isn't going to help any, believe in myself more, and of course value going climbing and running with my friends.

The therapy's not easy and does take a mind-set shift, and I'm a better person for it (ask my wife and kids) and generally feel less stressed and aggressive.

The CBT itself was very practical, not much psycho-babble crap, just proper down to earth talking and coping strategies.

I hope you can see that bottling stuff up just causes it to come to the surface anyway and usually in an uncontrolled rage, and you're not really aware of it happening until it's too late. See if you can get yourself some CBT, it helped me enormously.

Cheers
Chris
(FFTF)

[nikalas]

Hi Mr B

I'm rubbish at the whole empathy and understanding people thing, so I won't pretend to know how you feel - I can just give you some insights into my similar experiences and I hope you can draw something useful from them.

I suffered from Generalised Anxiety Disorder for a long time until my behaviour around my family (especially) was getting out of control. I felt very stressesed most of the time (usually by work,) felt negative towards work colleagues, had low self-esteem and took my temper out on my wife and kids (although never physically). I was known as 'Grumpy Dad'. The worst thing was that I wasn't really aware of how I was affecting others - although I could see that my relationships were suffering and I needed to do something.

I saw my GP who referred me on to a course of CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). I was sceptical at first, but I had around 12 1 hour sessions, and the therapist really helped me turn things around.

The therapy itself is talking therapy (no pills !) and for me the aims were to help me understand what it is that triggers my behaviour, to understand how to spot these triggers early, to learn to avoid the behaviour and understand that it doesn't actually achieve any good to continue the behaviour, to get a better understanding of what others think of me (this was astonishing and was so much more positive than my own perception of myself), and to develop my own self-esteem and assertiveness skills (as opposed to aggression).

Well, I'm still no angel, but I can more easily sense when I'm going downhill and can apply the techniques to stop myself spiralling further. Sometimes it also takes my wife to help me spot the signs (I taught her how to let me know without getting my back up further). I structure my activities so that there are clear cut-offs between my work-day and my home life, I try to spend more quality time with the family, remind myself that ruminating over things that stress me out isn't going to help any, believe in myself more, and of course value going climbing and running with my friends.

The therapy's not easy and does take a mind-set shift, and I'm a better person for it (ask my wife and kids) and generally feel less stressed and aggressive.

The CBT itself was very practical, not much psycho-babble crap, just proper down to earth talking and coping strategies.

I hope you can see that bottling stuff up just causes it to come to the surface anyway and usually in an uncontrolled rage, and you're not really aware of it happening until it's too late. See if you can get yourself some CBT, it helped me enormously.

Cheers
Chris
(FFTF)

Spot on and exactly my experience of CBT.

[granty]

Mr B I know it wasn't supposed to be funny but your description above had me rolling around on the floor. The sequence of steps coincide with great comedies like Laurel and Hardy, where a relatively simple job ends up as a major catastrophe. Also great cartoons where inanimate objects frustrate the intentions of the main characters.

I think when you read back over it in a week or two you will also see the funny side and perhaps that will help you see the error of your way.

It reminded me of this guy....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzJuulS0Kxk

lol, no offence meant - seriously

[Danbert Nocurry]

I'm quite a placid person but people chewing loudly or talking with food in their mouths sets me off. I go into a sort of trance where I can picture myself stabbing them to death or smashing a chair over their heads. :w00t:

[granty]

that does sound quite placid right enough

The thing that takes me to the edge is bicycle maintenance.

I always have a habit of putting tools or small parts down then not being able to find them again. Plus I don't have a bike stand so the bike is always falling over on to me. Thing is, I know it's always going to happen yet I still do it

[granty]

.Mr br. Please dont take offence. Was trying to laugh with you not at you. Sometomes.laughter can be the best medicine. Take it from someone who battled mood problems for over 3 years and who was close to the edge. No drama mate but was proper close to throwing the towel in at one time. But hre i am years on and life is good. Fair play toyou. The mark of a.man is admitting his shortcomings. Peace ma.man

[CL]

It reminded me of this guy....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzJuulS0Kxk

lol, no offence meant - seriously

Funny video. Mr B will like it.

[RichK]

A very very good thread, and very brave of Mr B to open the posts.

The comedy YouTube from earlier was from Chewing The Fat, which didn't get a run in England but was a Scottish produced series of sketches. It span off into Still Game, which did have some success south of the border. And like all good comedy, the sketch of the wrapping paper showed a simple truth. We are all stuck in a lifestyle where our natural impulses are totally at odds with the modern environment.

I "like to think" my angry responses are calming as I get older. However the evidence of two weeks ago, when someone shoved their car up my car's arse and honked - just as I was trying to steer clear of an ambulance behind us with blues and twos on (which the other driver would have known were they not thumping out drum and bass). I'm sure at the time I thought my screaming fit through his window was very gallant, and I was probably pretty smug at my self restraint for not smashing through his windscreen. In truth of course I was behaving like a prize tosser, totally losing it because I can't control the environment round me.

Back to comedy. Dave Allen had it dead right. We all want to "brain the bastard" with a chair... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2RaNjrWPSQ

[Margarine]

Granty have you tried a tool box?