I wasn't trying to be clever mate; I need to know this for my livelihood. It's not rocket science and most people could do it themselves but they don't have the time or inclination to do the research (and I can't blame them - it's not the most interesting thing in the world!).
As I said though, the return you get on your investments is a red herring. Time is our most valuable commodity, not money. The best part of my job is helping clients put a plan in place to achieve their desired lifestyle both now and in the future - the difference you can make is amazing.
I had a 55 year old client who hated his job (teacher) and was going through the motions until retirement at age 60. He'd put money aside all his life but I was able to show him that he could afford to retire straight away, which he did - I saved him 5 years of being miserable. What price can you put on that? That's the reason I go to work and I'm really passionate about that - I want to make a difference.
The point of that little anecdote was that investment return isn't the be all and end all of investing. To meet that client's goals, he only needed an annual return of about 4.5% on his investments so he didn't need to take excessive risk. Taking excessive risk could have derailed his plans if markets had gone tits up and he didn't need to do it.
Choose your goals first, calculate the investment return needed and invest accordingly.
Do some research and feel free to PM / post here me if you have any questions. I'm more than happy to help you out where I can mate. The more people that take ownership of their future the better, in my eyes.