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Thread: My child came out as trans

  1. #1

    My child came out as trans

    A month ago our daughter, still 11 at the time, told us she wants to be a boy.
    She wants we refer to her as a boy, and call her with the male name she's given herself, and use male pronouns. Which most of her peers outside our household apparently do already.
    I understand this is not something we can change or make go away. So be it.

    Of course one could say "you were born without Y chromosome so you'll never be male, no matter what the legal, the society, the medical, the name, the pronoun, the clothes and the appearance, etc." And tough this is true I fear it is also useless at best and most likely very harmful.

    She suffers from depression. My take is this is probably linked to us still struggling to accept her being trans.
    We also think she is being bullied at school. Tough she refuses to tell us, and the school says she's not being bullied. No idea how much her being trans is linked to this, probably some.
    She has already committed self harm. We are extremely scared this goes further.

    She is now extremely recluse, insists on staying alone doing nothing, neither has nor wants friends. All typical signs of depression. She basically refuses communication with us on all fronts. She acknowledges she is ill with depression, tough we don't understand she's in favor or against getting medical help.

    We're taking her to a psychiatrist, for depression, tough maybe a psychologist would be better, don't know...

    Last edited by Gambatte; 29-11-2021 at 10:48 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    So sorry to hear this.

    A lot of what distinguishes being male from being female is of course a social construct. We do not need to be male to do many things that are regarded as being predominately masculine - clothes, hair style, name, pastimes, relationships etc.

    Your daughter does sound depressed. Is depression causing her trans ideation, rather than the other way around? I think she needs to see a psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis and treatment.

    I do so hope there is a positive outcome.
    Last edited by Mike T; 09-12-2021 at 08:42 AM.

  3. #3
    Thank you.

  4. #4
    Moderator noel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Western Peak District
    There are a few kids in my kids' school who are transitioning or have transitioned. While it must have been a psychological ordeal at the time for them and those close to them, it's been good to see that the majority of their peers seem reasonably understanding of the situation.

    I hope things start to improve.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    I haven't got anything helpful to say.

    Just sending empathy.

    The the teenage years can be so difficult to parent. And obviously difficult to negotiate as you go through them as a teenager.
    Last edited by millipede; 29-11-2021 at 09:45 AM.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    South South Pennines
    As a teacher, Iím seeing this becoming more common and accepted by peers, parents and society.
    There are some good resources for you and your child on the Mermaids uk website.
    Youíre doing the right thing by not judging and sticking by them. They need love more than anything at the moment, and it is a testament to your parenting that they have been secure in being honest about their identity and sharing with you.

  7. #7
    Thank you

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    I'll echo felltrumpets sentiments. As a teacher we are seeing it more and more, and I think if your child has told you this then obviously she feels secure in your relationship, so you must be doing something right. I would agree seek medical help, if you can afford it go private just to beat the massively oversubscribed NHS waiting lists.

    Just be there for your child, listen and try to empathise even if you find it hard. It's going to hard on everyone in the family to adjust, so give yourselves time, read what you can, speak to people who know their stuff (not just well meaning folks on the internet forums).

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