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Thread: Golf

  1. #11
    Master Travs's Avatar
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    Only ever played once on a proper golf course. Had a shocker and my teeshot off the first or second tee went in the carpark. I was decent at putting and using irons, but could never use a driver without it slicing wildly.

    Only ever really played at the local pitch and putt/par 3, and really it was an excuse to go to the pub after (or occasionally play the round carrying a bagful of cans.

    Came to an inglorious end one sunny afternoon. After wafting yet another easy shot into the bushes, i lost it completely and threw my 7-iron, which landed high up in a tree and couldn't be retrieved. I've never played since.

  2. #12
    Growing up i lived pretty close to a golf course....to the annoyance of the golfers.

    One of the holes sat on the edge of the woods from where me and my mates would run onto the course and grad the golfers balls...ooooh cheeky.
    We'd flip the finger to the raging golfers and run off laughing into the woods....god, i was a horrible little shit.

    Rumours that occasionally we'd crap into the hole can't possibly be true...come on, who'd do such a thing?
    Darren Fishwick, Chorley.

  3. #13
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    Daz…!!

    In fact the very last 'golfing' encounter i had was a few years ago in the heady heights of the Coventry Alliance Saturday Football league. After coming on as substitute, i very quickly found myself involved in fisticuffs with a player from the opposition. I received a booking for my misdemeanours (which amounted to nothing more than getting stamped on, and shoving a guy away who squared up to punch me). My poor adversary was sent off, and disappeared to the changing rooms.

    He returned shortly brandishing a golf club, and politely informed me that it was going to shortly be wrapped around my skull. Nothing came of it though. I gave him plenty of opportunity to have a swing, but informed him that if he didn't knock me down with the first attempt i was going to kick seven shades out of him, and he decided to back down.

  4. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Travs View Post
    Daz…!!

    In fact the very last 'golfing' encounter i had was a few years ago in the heady heights of the Coventry Alliance Saturday Football league. After coming on as substitute, i very quickly found myself involved in fisticuffs with a player from the opposition. I received a booking for my misdemeanours (which amounted to nothing more than getting stamped on, and shoving a guy away who squared up to punch me). My poor adversary was sent off, and disappeared to the changing rooms.

    He returned shortly brandishing a golf club, and politely informed me that it was going to shortly be wrapped around my skull. Nothing came of it though. I gave him plenty of opportunity to have a swing, but informed him that if he didn't knock me down with the first attempt i was going to kick seven shades out of him, and he decided to back down.
    Blimey Pete, I didn't realise living in Coventry was that bad. In Chorley we'd usually give each other verbal abuse on the pitch and take the piss after the match.
    Darren Fishwick, Chorley.

  5. #15
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    That was pretty mild. In the Nuneaton League i recall one match descending into a fist fight about 45 mins before kick-off. In fact we weren't even playing the other team, it was a fight over who was going to use which pitch (there were two matches and two pitches, so a bit pointless really). One lad on the other team ended up with a broken arm.

    One particularly uproarious match (a pre-season friendly) ended up with the ref jumping in his car and leaving us to it, after a strained first 20mins saw 4 red cards.

    All-in-all, i'm fairly glad i ditched football and got into some proper sports.
    Last edited by Travs; 21-09-2018 at 11:39 AM.

  6. #16
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    To keep on the golfing subject, i do recall going to a Spanish 4th Division match and the 'mob' from the home team casually strolled in about 20mins after kickoff, and the guy at the front was casually swinging a golf club round in the air. Not a single attempt to stop him entering. The fact that there were only about 4 away fans probably ensured not much happened.

    After a few too many beers i got a little carried away, and after a particularly blatant bit of diving from the opposition number 4, i spent the rest of the game stalking him up and down the sideline, yelling "quattro" (4) at him... in my drunken state it was the only related Spanish word i could muster. Quite how i got so emotionally involved in a Spanish 4th Division match is still a mystery.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tindersticks View Post
    Blimey Pete, I didn't realise living in Coventry was that bad. In Chorley we'd usually give each other verbal abuse on the pitch and take the piss after the match.
    Apparently Coventry has become a 'ghost town'. All the clubs have closed down, bands won't play no more and there is too much fighting on the dance floor. Quite frankly, people getting angry!

  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Travs View Post
    To keep on the golfing subject, i do recall going to a Spanish 4th Division match and the 'mob' from the home team casually strolled in about 20mins after kickoff, and the guy at the front was casually swinging a golf club round in the air. Not a single attempt to stop him entering. The fact that there were only about 4 away fans probably ensured not much happened.

    After a few too many beers i got a little carried away, and after a particularly blatant bit of diving from the opposition number 4, i spent the rest of the game stalking him up and down the sideline, yelling "quattro" (4) at him... in my drunken state it was the only related Spanish word i could muster. Quite how i got so emotionally involved in a Spanish 4th Division match is still a mystery.
    Spanish Division 4 or Coventry City....can't be too much different pal.
    Darren Fishwick, Chorley.

  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by sbrt View Post
    Apparently Coventry has become a 'ghost town'. All the clubs have closed down, bands won't play no more and there is too much fighting on the dance floor. Quite frankly, people getting angry!
    Hahaha....that's 'Special'
    Darren Fishwick, Chorley.

  10. #20
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    As a youngster I used to play golf, especially in the summer holidays, on the course near home. One afternoon a bloke I had seen around introduced himself as a professional and as I was playing alone asked if he could join me and said that he would give me a bit of coaching. Naive 13yr old me obviously said yes. The course was very quiet and after the third hole he sat on the bank above the green and beckoned me over. I sat down and he offered me a cigarette. He then started to touch me up. For a few seconds I froze then when I realised what was happening I jumped up, with putter still in hand, and twatted him over the head with it. He made a strange sound as he slumped backwards. He was spark out. I picked up my bag of clubs and ran across the course, glancing back after about 100yds to see him still laid out, and carried on running down through the woods and home.
    Of course, when Mum and Dad came home from work I said nothing.
    I was a little worried that I had possibly killed him so was relieved few days later when I overheard my Dad in conversation about the "club professional" having been seen walking about with a swelling on his forehead and two black eyes but strangely nobody knowing how it happened. Still I kept quiet about the best golf shot I ever made!
    I did not see him again until a few years later whilst home on leave from the RAF, when I saw him in a local pub. You should have seen the look of fear on his face when he saw me walk in. He was shitting himself. Who's got the power now Mr child molester? I thought.
    I was tempted to take him into the bogs and batter him but thought better of it as I didn't fancy jankers or at worst the glass house in Colchester! Over the years I saw him a few times in similar circumstances and he always had that worried look on his face.
    I never did know if he was a full or part time homosexual but, needless to say, even now 47 years later I treat people of that persuasion with great suspicion.
    And no, I'm not a victim. Shit happens.
    Visibility good except in Hill Fog

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