mental health losing the plot

[beeb]

sorry I'm anonymous, I don't know where else to go and I've totally lost the plot.
Ive just failed the one thing I've always wanted. I'm 30 and I have to reassess everything in my life and start again but I don't know how and I don't have any anybody to help me. everything I had planned for my life has just diasppeared and I can't see anything in front of me.
I can't go for another run, I train everyday and the endorphins seem to work for about an hour before it falls apart again so I'm just sat here. runnings just hiding from it. what do I do? I don't know where to start or what to do.

[egor]

hi, if this is a real post and not a wind up, you may benefit from going to see a therapist, you could go to gp for advice on meds or ask for a referral for therapy within nhs or you could seek private therapy, try UKCP website and find a therapist link. meds may help but may not get to the route of the problem. good luck.

[beeb]

I just can't see what therapy could do, theres nothing wrong with me I just can't cope and I don't want to cope any more. Anit-depressants turned me into a zombie when I had them before.

[Witton Park]

sorry I'm anonymous, I don't know where else to go and I've totally lost the plot.
Ive just failed the one thing I've always wanted. I'm 30 and I have to reassess everything in my life and start again but I don't know how and I don't have any anybody to help me. everything I had planned for my life has just diasppeared and I can't see anything in front of me.
I can't go for another run, I train everyday and the endorphins seem to work for about an hour before it falls apart again so I'm just sat here. runnings just hiding from it. what do I do? I don't know where to start or what to do.

Could join the Fell Ponies

[Lola]

Dearest Beeb,

You don't tell us what it is you have just failed and there are too many possibilities to guess so, if you are happy too, let us know whats up.

If you are a member of a running/fell club, and we don't need to know which one, maybe throwing yourself into club matters might help. Medication can be replaced by a sense of belonging and a good club will certainly give you that (just don't bore the c**p out of everybody by telling them why you are down because they have their issues too - OK).

Do something practical TODAY to improve your life, even if it is only fixing a dripping tap or tidying the bedroom, start to take charge of your improvement; not an overnight solution but build up from a small start.

Don't stop running

Hugs,

[southernsoftie]

beeb,

As someone who's had to give up on various dreams at one stage or another, I sympathise.

I've had many knockbacks, and failed to get into a couple of things I really wanted to do. My approach was really just to try and get my head around it and move on.

I picked new goals for myself - some that made up for my failure, proving to myself that it was their loss and I would have been capable; others for my own enjoyment; and others to help me achieve a non-realised goal via another avenue.

I do still look back from time to time and wonder what if, or think how great it could have all been. But then I consider what I have now (materially, not a great deal) and count myself lucky.

For instance: right now, I'm working from home, got the sun streaming through my dining room window, a cool breeze blowing through, and some great Funk & Soul tunes playing. I can't help but smile.

Take joy in whatever pleasures you can: if there's a banister, slide down it. Come across a great view? Stop and enjoy it with a few deep breaths. A song comes on you really love? Dance to it. Sing along to it. Got knees that work? Get out in this weather to the top of a hill and enjoy it.

I won't come out with the usual trite nonsense of having your health, roof over your head, etc. because that would just marginalise your disappointment. By all means think about your set-back, but try and direct your thoughts towards how you can use this to give yourself a future direction. If you need to, don't forget the support of your family/friends, or as suggested elsewhere a health professional.

Thinking happy thoughts for you beeb.

[CribGoch]

sorry I'm anonymous, I don't know where else to go and I've totally lost the plot.
Ive just failed the one thing I've always wanted. I'm 30 and I have to reassess everything in my life and start again but I don't know how and I don't have any anybody to help me. everything I had planned for my life has just diasppeared and I can't see anything in front of me.
I can't go for another run, I train everyday and the endorphins seem to work for about an hour before it falls apart again so I'm just sat here. runnings just hiding from it. what do I do? I don't know where to start or what to do.

As you probably have realised, there is no quick fix to this. I went through a similar sort of crisis in my mid twenties and have come out the other side. I remember feeling that all the usual props in life - the things that seem rewarding and worthwhile and make life worth living - were all as nothing. My only escape was going orienteering. For an hour at least I could banish the heebies by giving myself something else to focus on.

Rebuilding confidence and enthusiasm is a very slow process, taken day by day. You will never be the same person again, as you will be conscious of the frailty of your psyche.
Always remind yourself that you are not mad (or even particularly abnormal. Lots of people suffer bouts of depression, insecurity and anxiety) and that you WILL get better.

[beeb]

Thank you. I'll try and respond to all three posts together if you don't mind. I've just been for a run so I'm feeling slightly more human and gibbering less (or at least at a lower frequency).
Bear with me as it won't sound like a proper problem. Which is probably why I feel such a failure for not dealing with it properly. I've just withdrawn from my PhD after four years. I've lost my job as a result. I gave up just about everything to do my phd and worked my socks off to support myself. Walking away means that everything I've done since I left school (study and employment) is basically pointless and I have to start entirely again at the bottom of a job market that isn't exactly welcoming. All that time and effort and sacrifice and I have nothing to show for it except proof that I'm rubbish. I can't tell any of my friends or family because I dont want them to know I've failed and I don't want them to worry about me.
It must sound ridiculous but I feel like I've just watched my whole future vanish before my eyes. I've just failed at the one thing that I value about myself and the one thing that I thought I was capable of doing. I've lost a baby and a partner over the past ten years and have worked/studied my way through those periods (much better than anti-depressants) and got through them ok. But this is the one thing that I can't get through by throwing myself into work. I don't have a partner (work has always come first), I'm not very good at anything (crap runner) and I'm not good enough for my career. I don't know where to begin.
It's a middle class luxury crisis but it doesn't make it any less real. I'm lucky to have my health but I don't know what I can do with it that would mean I can contribute anything to the world. I feel completely pointless now.

[beeb]

And thank you for the hugs and happy thoughts.

[Lola]

Beeb,

Looking at that timeline you look like you probably have a Masters of some kind to have been so far on a Phd programme. Given the educational norm in the UK, that would put you light years ahead of the pack and very, very far from being a failure; disappointed you may be, but not a failure.

Now fix that tap, I can hear it from here