mental health losing the plot

[NirvanaBliss]

Hello Beeb

Positive thinking is what you need to do now.

You did 4 years of a Phd, that in itself you should reward yourself, not get angry with yourself. You did 4 years more than i could do, and you did that on your own.

Losing a partner, your not saying how so i can only assume its an end relationship, your get stronger from this and will eventually like yourself again, and find someone else.

Well done on going for a run, i just went for a walk with painful shins but glad i did, it felt good being outside in the sun.

Having your health is a good thing, you have your running too, and what i read you have friends and family, so in all you have alot going for you.

And if you can fix that tap that Lola mentions then you can fix mine cos its driving me nuts!

[beeb]

I fixed the tap. Perhaps I could become a plumber??!
I might need a drink before I ring my mum and dad though.
Then tent and inov8s into the car and I'm running away north to the lake district with my last pennies.

[CL]

Thank you. I'll try and respond to all three posts together if you don't mind. I've just been for a run so I'm feeling slightly more human and gibbering less (or at least at a lower frequency).
Bear with me as it won't sound like a proper problem. Which is probably why I feel such a failure for not dealing with it properly. I've just withdrawn from my PhD after four years. I've lost my job as a result. I gave up just about everything to do my phd and worked my socks off to support myself. Walking away means that everything I've done since I left school (study and employment) is basically pointless and I have to start entirely again at the bottom of a job market that isn't exactly welcoming. All that time and effort and sacrifice and I have nothing to show for it except proof that I'm rubbish. I can't tell any of my friends or family because I dont want them to know I've failed and I don't want them to worry about me.
It must sound ridiculous but I feel like I've just watched my whole future vanish before my eyes. I've just failed at the one thing that I value about myself and the one thing that I thought I was capable of doing. I've lost a baby and a partner over the past ten years and have worked/studied my way through those periods (much better than anti-depressants) and got through them ok. But this is the one thing that I can't get through by throwing myself into work. I don't have a partner (work has always come first), I'm not very good at anything (crap runner) and I'm not good enough for my career. I don't know where to begin.
It's a middle class luxury crisis but it doesn't make it any less real. I'm lucky to have my health but I don't know what I can do with it that would mean I can contribute anything to the world. I feel completely pointless now.

Beeb what did you discover about your chosen career that made you want to stop?

[beeb]

Beeb what did you discover about your chosen career that made you want to stop?

I'm not good enough.

[stevefoster]

Could join the Fell Ponies

Anyone's welcome

[CL]

I'm not good enough.

What intellectually?

[stevefoster]

I'm not good enough.

Sure your good at something, i've been through some sh!t times, lots of people on here to help and advise, keep your chin up beeb

[beeb]

What intellectually?

Exactly

[CL]

Exactly

Beeb if you don't mind. What were you studying?

[beeb]

Could join the Fell Ponies

Sorry, had a sense of humour failure earlier
Had some wine now though.
Fell ponies could be an option! I can move house somewhere comepletely new now...