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Thread: Today's Joke

  1. #461
    Senior Member William Clough's Avatar
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    Enya has announced her next fixtures:

    Sale (A)
    Sale (A)
    Sale (A)

    Well it made me laugh.

  2. #462
    Senior Member
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    I am reminded of the lobster that went to a disco and pulled a muscle!
    Visibility good except in Hill Fog

  3. #463
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    Guess who I bumped into at the Opticians today?

    Everyone!
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  4. #464
    Master Stagger's Avatar
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    Don't get girlfriend from Tesco, It's a bag for life.

  5. #465
    Senior Member #bob#'s Avatar
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    People should stop having a go at fat people.
    They have enough on their plates.

  6. #466
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stagger View Post
    Don't get girlfriend from Tesco, It's a bag for life.
    'There's been a fire at Tesco'
    "Has there?"
    'No Tesco'

  7. #467
    Master Stagger's Avatar
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    A Russian spy, an IRA supporter and a racist walk into a pub.

    The barman says

    "What can I get you Mr Corbyn?"
    A quote,

    "The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall."

  8. #468
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    A bloke fell off a crag on Kinder because he was using his phone. He was ringing Roger.
    In his lifetime he suffered from unreality, as do so many Englishmen.
    Jorge Luis Borges

  9. #469
    Master noel's Avatar
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    Nice to see topical fell running-related humour.
    No longer "resting"

  10. #470
    Senior Member DangerMouse's Avatar
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    Two fell runners are running across a remote moor when one suddenly cries out and falls to the ground.

    He doesn't appear to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head, so his friend panics and calls 999 on his mobile telephone.

    ''My friend is dead!'' he cries. ''What can I do?''

    The operator, speaking in a soothing voice, tries to calm him down. ''Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.''

    The line goes silent for a moment and there's a loud bang before the man comes back on the line. ''Okay,'' he says breathlessly, ''Now what?''

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