Hey good man OLLI, v good to read the content, fantastic to read how you feel, I reckon that attitude of yours is everything, nurture it. Life is simply too short to waste living on someone else's terms. Fear is just an acronym, False Expectations Appearing Real, be interested to hear what your goals are, what work intrigues or draws you & where you choose to go. I still believe that opportunities are out there if we are open to them.
Good luck OLLI, keep us informed & go well on OCT...