Why don't you tell him "I'm a karate man and karate men only bleed on the inside."Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnM32
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Why don't you tell him "I'm a karate man and karate men only bleed on the inside."Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnM32
This thread deserves a 'mad moment' 5 stars!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFsKRKEW-Og
Nuff said :closed:
If it is a serious question then try looking for a Krav maga instructor, probably the most useful "martial art" you'll find around as it's all based on real life scenarios. That said, 3 weeks does not an expert make. I would advise just avoiding the guy completely and if he's bothering you at college then report him. Sounds cowardly but in reality it's more sensible then trying to deck him when he's not looking. That will only end in tears, if you succeed then I suspect he'll find somewhere to hide at a later date and ambush you for a real kicking. Best to forget about it and move on, he'll probably leave you alone before long anyway. If you have no choice but to fight then the best course of action is to go for vulnerable spots and then get the hell out of there as soon as you're able.
"Please don't make light of my situation."
This phrase is just what a college attending teenager would use. AS if! I feel cheap and used ( not for the first time). I think it is downright Anti-Social to tease us like this.
His girlfriend has told him that I'm stalking her. I only sent her a few text messages to apologise for going off on one but he took it the wrong way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hank
I did but it gave me terrible wind and eggs ain't cheep in Philly no more:thunbdown:Quote:
Originally Posted by Skarsnik
Yo Goatess, that made me laugh ya know:wink:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountain Goatess
I never said I was a teenager (I'm actually 20) - I go college 2 days a week and work the other 3 as a trainee hair stylist. I only came on here for some training advice - I went on the Mens Health forums first but they took the piss out of me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rodders
I've had a think about it and I think going to the pub tomorrow is a bad idea. I don't know how many mates will be with him and if it goes wrong I'll be in big trouble. I should be able to avoid him for the rest of the holidays but he gets the same train as me on my 2 college days so not sure what I can do exactly. The guys a mentalist - I saw him in an argument with someone in the pub once and he smashed a glass over his head to prove how hard he was.
Spoke to my mate again before and he reckons Pepper Spray will work. He has some that his gran uses to keep cats away from flowers so he's gonna give me that.
gonna go running now. Thanks guys!
Yeah, but I bet any wrong uns would;ve kept their distance from you after eating that lot. It could be John M32's best betQuote:
Originally Posted by Rocky
The water pistol full of piss made me laugh. I haven't used one for a while, but I don't EVER remember having one that didn't leak, so you might need to wear a waterproof until you've used it. Presumably you'll tell him he's about to get a faceful of your piss if he doesn't back off...
...hmmm, not sure how that would go down with a bully, in a pub, in front of his mates...
Perhaps you could get a supersoaker, thus benefiting from a more powerful jet and a longer range, thus enabling you to get him from the other sid of the bar. You might have to get YOUR mates to help fill it though.
Even my dog Butkiss kept his distance!!!!!!!!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by oleg beaviz
OK, I've decided that I'm gonna have to face this guy at some point so I am going to go to the pub tomorrow but I'm not going to say anything to him and I'll just sit there with my mate.
Good point about water pistols leaking. I've just emptied my mum's washing liquid bottle and I'm going to take it around with me tonight and tomorrow and anytime I need a piss I'll use that. It should have good range and can hold loads too. I've just drank 3 pints of water so shouldn't be too long now. Hopefully I'll never have to use it - I wouldn't get into a fight with anyone threatening to soak me head to toe in piss.
Decided to do some more research on the pepper spray and it seems that pepper spray for cats isn't the stuff the dibble use - its made from Cayenne pepper instead. Good job I didn't try and use that on him.
You got any advice off your Dad? Apologies if he's not around for any reason.
Why can't I help myself coming back to this thread! :confused: :w00t:
Crackers, the lot of you! ;)
My dad's useless at stuff like this. He used to keep in shape but since he lost his property business in the financial crisis he's let himself go. He's works as a Ceilidh caller now so he's away a lot doing weddings birthdays and stuff so not spoken to him but I know he'd just tell me to confront him.Quote:
Originally Posted by stevefoster
Great thread:)
Good luck with it John, try and have a chat and reason with him, if that doesn't work then just make sure you've practised your washing liquid bottle draw!!!:wink:
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndyH
Thanks Andy. I'm struggling with the flip cap at the moment and still need two hands to do it but will keep practicing. The bathroom is a right state though and I've already used 1 loo roll cleaning up the floor
John have you got a Camelback? I reckon if you filled that up with piss the hose would give you a better aim. You could keep it under your arm like a bag pipe and use your arm to blast it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnM32
I thought this was a genuine thread from a naive and misguided youth at first. Now I'm not so sure. I'm just going to settle back and see how this pans out.
Oh, and if the end result is a piss covered dude, pictures on forum please!!*
FD - kudos on the Camelbak idea, btw.:thumbup:
*For comedy value, you understand.
Golden Shower LOL
John, forget the confrontation in the pub - why not just challenge him to a race up and down your local fell with the winner getting to keep the girl!!?:rolleyes:
The camelbak down the sleeve is a top idea - I've just tried it out in a pub in Silsden. I felt a bit like a piss-throwing Spiderman, right up until my nose got broken.
This thread is probably a wind up, but just in case it isn't:Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnM32
Ah at which point did I suggest a sucker punch from behind? Thats the work of a cu*t, and I don't believe in it. If you're gonna hit someone, square up to them and do it. Sounds like you have no clue how to throw a punch, and you ain't gonna learn in 3 weeks. All the force for a punch is generated through proper footwork and the hips. If you don't know this, then I suggest you don't even try. If you're feeling brave though and he does start with you may I suggest grabbing him by the ear, nutting him as hard as you can - make sure you land this on his nose and not forehead to forehead. And then keep holding his ear and keep nutting his nose. Whatever you do don't let go of that ear, if you can't hit him just rag on the ear. He won't want to knock you down, as you'll take his ear with you. He'll soon give up when he realizes he'll lose his ear if he doesn't. And it's always a good idea to act like you've totally lost it when doing this. People would often prefer to fight someone thats hard, rather than clearly mental.
Great idea Eavesy. Only problem is that I'll probably get sacked if I go into work with bruises all over my head so I think I'll use a small rounders bat instead. Do you think this will be as effective? I was thinking about waiting for him to go to the bar so he has his hands full with drinks, grab his ear and whack him on the nose with the bat as you suggest.
Good point about looking mental. I'll style my hair in a Mohawk before I go out. No-one messes with a Mohawk.
Thanks so much for your good ideas.
Then your worries are over, no further action required. Now get out for a run you daft lad:closed:Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnM32
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nd6VIgWlPv4 dunno if you can still get these. If not try sneaking up on him and pinning a "kick me" sign on his back, then everyone else will do the job for you...........Surprised that french guy Damien aint got some ideas........
You could always try this. It doesn't matter if you can't afford the 'shake weight' I'm guessing you are well used to the hand movement.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbsSeVr5NSI
Sorry, I don't understand. Please explainQuote:
Originally Posted by Rodders
Perhaps this musical infomercial will help you.Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnM32
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vCkJQATwZE
If you take a bat to him, I hope he takes it off you and gives you a good hiding. Again I still think this is a wind up, though stranger things have happened. If this is true your clearly a bit of a bell end, and a bit of a slap might be what you need ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnM32
Maybe you need to become:
http://www.sabotagetimes.com/wp-cont...axi-driver.jpg
It's the big day John! Off down the pub later aren't you?
Glad to see you've had an early start.
How's preparation going? I'm picturing skipping ropes, a battered punch bag, The Eye of The Tiger blaring from your walkman and a bucket of steaming piss in the corner...
This belongs on the poetry thread LFF :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by L.F.F.
Thanks:) As does John who'll be poetry in motion this evening. Floats likes a butterfly, shoots with his wee.Quote:
Originally Posted by Derby Tup
The best thing to do is shadow boxing with a mirror, when you draw blood you will be ready :angry:
John before you confront your nemesis listen to this for inspiration: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sixZqk__Bs
Let us know how it goes mate.
no, this may bring back bad memories of Clubber Lang.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fell Donkey
Hi Eavesy. I was only considering a bat because there's a lot of posers in my profession and going into work with bruises on your head is a big no no. So you think I shouldn't use a bat? My friend suggested a pool ball in a sock or a belt with a big metal buckle - what do you think? I'm not sure I could accurately hit his nose so not sure.Quote:
Originally Posted by eavesy187
Judging by your forum name, you're a girl / woman but you seem to know how to fight. Have you done one of those Martial Arts for women courses? Do you have any last minute tips? I was reading on the internet about them and the women always seem to overpower much bigger men which is what I need to do.
Your friend,
John
I can't find one of those, but I found this, which might help:Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnM32
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RKTSwAVaoU
Have you considered one of these? http://www.fashionablecanes.com/6001...157_a_7c600180Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnM32
I find the name of it particularly apt.
Alternatively, become a hermit.