Well gyppo, I am from Shropshire....and we do like our sheep here ;)
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Well gyppo, I am from Shropshire....and we do like our sheep here ;)
Run slowly past psychotic farm dog thinking it won't just turn around and bite you anyway (Grindleford Gallop)
After watching your faithful hound catch a bolt of electric off the fence wired thru the stile, do the same yourself, whilst mate looks on doubled up and in tears.
or was i chasing the sheep:rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by gyppo
I know a joke about farming and sheep, but unrepeatable in the public domain!:oQuote:
Originally Posted by gyppo
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vince
you have started so you may fininsh? even though it may be moderated..:p
It is the one about the new farmer, a flock of sheep and a ram, but couldn't see any of his sheep bearing lambs, so asked a vet how he could help with the process... anyone else heard this one?;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguin
baaaaa baaaaaQuote:
Originally Posted by Vince
jump over fence without looking only to realise there is a 10 foot drop at the other side.. :confused:
Carrying on, the vet suggested artificial insemination. As the farmer didn't understand the vet said "Doing it yourself!"Quote:
Originally Posted by Vince
"Oh", said the farmer. "But how do you know that they are with lamb?"
"When they sit contented in the meadow" replied the vet.
So the farmer loaded 8 sheep into his landrover and took them to his barn and, well,...
The following morning, very tired, asked his wife to look out and see if the sheep were sitting contentedin the meadow. She replied "No, they are in the Landrover honking the horn!";)
I'll get my coat....
I wish the penguin that falls in water would kick the other ones ass for a change. Grrrrrrr dam penguin:mad:Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguin
ah not to worry it's cos penguin keeps getting clipped round lug hole form boss penguin :DQuote:
Originally Posted by cobbydale
Yes, you think it'd learn to duck and swing round with its right flipper and sock the other one good and proper! :cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by cobbydale
...but we never learn do we...:oQuote:
Originally Posted by Penguin
remember that you haven't any spare batterys for your torch and the damm thing goes dim on you..
Tell your brother that 'this bit is easy and we can gain some time' then go arse over tit and end up with a chipped bone in yer elbow!!!!
personal experience Tupper?
Think, aww, its not that far to go, im not wasting the time tying that lace, and then tripping over it on the final descent and bruising your ribs.
On a freezing Winter's day - clutch your gonads with your hands inside your Ron Hill's.
Trust me. . . . . you won't get them out in time, when you fall over. (Your hands that is, not your gonads !!)
Descend steep, dry, gorse banks on your arse :mad: .
you could always stay indoors and do the cleaning.. at least you don't have to explain the bruised backside? :rolleyes:
Wait for your wife to go into labour.....shiucks...
Run through a field full of protective cows with their calves. I thought we were brown bread for sure.
Oh we did that the other evening ,scary isn't it :eek:
Lol, try going between beehives and an oilseed rape field in full flower on a sunny day. the rape makes them a bit lively, 3 stings on me and 1 on my dog.
How about jump over obvious bog into another less obvious bog, landing in bog/sludge/clay mixture past left knee and being stuck fast and unable to move for 15 mins.
Being unable to push off with right foot, for fear of getting that leg stuck, I finally managed to dig myself out with my left hand whilst hanging on to heather with the right.
When I eventually got to the car, I then realised I'd thrown my car key to safety when stuck, but left it behind. 45 min round trip to retrieve my keys.
That was my Saturday evening. Scary.
Believe something you'd read about the Romans keeping their legs warm on Hadrian's Wall by whipping them with nettles and carry on running along a river bank path totally overgrown with nettles because if it was alright for the Romans it can't do any harm and I'm not the sort of runner who turns back just cause of a load of nettles. Doing this for a mile or two then dragging through a field of ripened oilseed rape because that's where the right of way goes and nobody's going to stop me going through just cause they haven't left a path. Then spending two sleepless nights with my legs on fire, the first delirious from the nettle toxin (is it formic acid?).
I don't recommend that to anyone. Maybe the Romans were hard but that hard?
Well don't go for a run in a new corner of the lake district, having decided to 'memorise' the too smaller scaled OS map that you had in the car but couldn't be bothered to run with!
I did that last summer and managed to turn a 90 minute up, along and down again run into a fairly desperate 3 1/2 hour adventure that included navigating based on the sun, crossing an awful untracked heather and bracken covered fell top for 2 miles and being eaten alive by some kind of flying insect (horseflies I think).
A fun experience though............. having survived :)
I tried a shortcut home from work last night on my bike having "memorised" the map which in my memory had a bridle track on it. I finished up using the biketo bash down nettles (again) on a long lost footpath (I think) and shoving it, finally, across a stubble field before sneaking through someone's farm and finally re-joining the road just before dark with still 10 miles to go.
Run through a field full of cows, only to realize half way across that they're not all cows...one is in fact a large rather frisky bull. Head rapidly for the gate, scramble through shutting it firmly behind you, onto the next gate. Open that only to be confronted by another similarly large similarly frisky bull trundling towards you. Wait for this bull to be distracted by more cows, slip through the gate and head off up the other side of a barbed wire fence only to find that there is a much larger than bull size gap in it...head rapidly for next gate. Certainly got the heart rate up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Twister
Cheers - Raymond
turn up for an event find entries are full . so wear an old number found in boot of car . and collect medal , t shirt .
Run in half marathon whilst (very) underage. Go thru finish line.Collect medal. Watch as back markers go without medals due to 'unofficial' runners taking them.Quote:
Originally Posted by lilactime
i just can't coment:rolleyes:;):p
get digi cam out while on a downhill to take a pic of loveley scenery and not concentrating on trench in front of you then taking nose dive assisted by said trench
Let go of expensive Paclite Gtex jacket and watch as howling winds hurtle said jacket across Featherbed Moss, spend next twenty minutes doing speed work just trying to retrieve jacket....
chewing too many dextros tablets while supping water which creates a froth reminiscent of a runner with rabies hurtling down a fell/path thus scaring the shite out of other path users
Listen to the radio and hear Boney M or some such rubbish just before stepping out the door for a tortuous 2 hrs
slip over on a wet cowpat, land on your arse and put your hand in another one:(
Lie down on your back in the showfield after the finish line on a bed of nettles - not a good move, my hand had a numb patch for over a day!
Things not to do when finished running.....
Jump in a stream to cool the muscles and wash the salt out of your hair and off your face by scooping up water with out checking for gravel. ouch!
Attempt to take a t-shirt off while taking it easy on a descent.........
Try to tie your shoe laces while running.
:D that that i would like to seeQuote:
Originally Posted by Al Fowler