Today's bollock(s)-scratching

7.29 this morning. I'd just got out of bed, on my way to the loo.

13:06 Pm.

i can't respond to this thread...its discrimination...albeit extremely funny discrimination ! :D :D :D

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Originally Posted by Johnny Foreigner

7.29 this morning. I'd just got out of bed, on my way to the loo.

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Originally Posted by Al Fowler

13:06 Pm.

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:confused: Al being a student with all that time on your hands:o how can you possibly narrow it down to one 'Scratch':confused::D

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Originally Posted by freckle

i can't respond to this thread...its discrimination...

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Nobody said they had to be your own bollocks.

I manage fine.

he he

Every 5 minutes so far today..............................

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Originally Posted by freckle

i can't respond to this thread...its discrimination...albeit extremely funny discrimination ! :D :D :D

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Why do women rub their eyes in the morning.............cos they've no b@ll@cks to scratch;)

:o :eek:

Its always hard in the morning...............why is that?:rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by Wheeze

Its always hard in the morning...............why is that?:rolleyes:

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Bloody hell Wheeze, you only have one b@ll@ock:eek:

11.45 quick one in Tesco's at the checkout while no-one was looking.

They don't have cameras in there, do they?

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Originally Posted by Johnny Foreigner

11.45 quick one in Tesco's at the checkout while no-one was looking.

They don't have cameras in there, do they?

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Oh yes they do :D

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Originally Posted by Stef F

Oh yes they do :D

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Oh Bugger, even in Tesco's in Sowerby Bridge:eek:

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Today's poet
this is to redress the balance a bit vis a vis the "today's bollock scratching thread!" .......

sorry Stolly and Iandarkpeak for using "Today" in the title again.....

click on link below to see "today's poet"

http://www-cdr.stanford.edu/intuition/Slough.html

no doubt all of this will go down like a lead balloon, oh well...sod it!

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I think the balance has been well and truly tipped with over 9000 posts on the poet's thread! Time for a bit more bollock scratching... especially because there's no work available on Monday. :(

or...

Not done anything over about 6 miles for ages so maybe I'll get myself up to the dales. :)

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Originally Posted by Pilgrim

I think the balance has been well and truly tipped with over 9000 posts on the poet's thread! Time for a bit more bollock scratching... especially because there's no work available on Monday. :(

or...

Not done anything over about 6 miles for ages so maybe I'll get myself up to the dales. :)

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A poem incorporating bollock scratching, now there is a thought!

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Originally Posted by freckle

A poem incorporating bollock scratching, now there is a thought!

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Scratching my head now:w00t:

While watching Jeremy Kyle this morning.
Why does he have this effect on me?

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Originally Posted by Johnny Foreigner

While watching Jeremy Kyle this morning.
Why does he have this effect on me?

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Is it because he's a cock, talking bollocks??

A sly one at 8:02 this morning in the queue at the traffic lights near B&Q.

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Originally Posted by freckle

A poem incorporating bollock scratching, now there is a thought!

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I scratched my bollocks in a crowd
I scratched them high o’er vales and hills
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils,
And hidden there, beneath the trees,
Was a bollock scratching Monsieur Breeze

Just a first draft. Hope Mr Breeze isn't offended.

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Originally Posted by L.F.F.

I scratched my bollocks in a crowd
I scratched them high o’er vales and hills
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils,
And hidden there, beneath the trees,
Was a bollock scratching Monsieur Breeze

Just a first draft. Hope Mr Breeze isn't offended.

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I wouldn't think so Josh. He's a fine craftsman with words himself :)

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Originally Posted by L.F.F.

I scratched my bollocks in a crowd
I scratched them high o’er vales and hills
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils,
And hidden there, beneath the trees,
Was a bollock scratching Monsieur Breeze

Just a first draft. Hope Mr Breeze isn't offended.

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I ran lonely o'er fell and dale,
Scratching nads and desiring ale,
Happened 'pon a country inn,
Scratched once more and ran straight in.
Ordered beer but was refused,
Landlord said, his face suffused,
"My lad I'm sorry, no ale for you -
scratching bollocks will never do"

This is a first draft too. I'll work on it.

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Originally Posted by Martyn P

I ran lonely o'er fell and dale,
Scratching nads and desiring ale,
Happened 'pon a country inn,
Scratched once more and ran straight in.
Ordered beer but was refused,
Landlord said, his face suffused,
"My lad I'm sorry, no ale for you -
scratching bollocks will never do"

This is a first draft too. I'll work on it.

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That's the ticket.

Bollocks poetry at its best! :)

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Originally Posted by Martyn P

I ran lonely o'er fell and dale,
Scratching nads and desiring ale,
Happened 'pon a country inn,
Scratched once more and ran straight in.
Ordered beer but was refused,
Landlord said, his face suffused,
"My lad I'm sorry, no ale for you -
scratching bollocks will never do"

This is a first draft too. I'll work on it.

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Sure this isn't ripped off from some super-rare Northern Soul tune Martyn? :closed:

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Originally Posted by Derby Tup

Sure this isn't ripped off from some super-rare Northern Soul tune Martyn? :closed:

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No, all my own work :D

Surely, "**ahem, cough**" being a doctor and all, it's not a scratch when sorting itchy bollocks, it's more of a "roll and pinch"

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Originally Posted by protodoc

Surely, "**ahem, cough**" being a doctor and all, it's not a scratch when sorting itchy bollocks, it's more of a "roll and pinch"

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Well, I'll have to defer to you on that one. Can we claim artistic licence???

Indeed. Employing a traditional ungual/digital scrape is likely to produce excessive puckering, follicular ensnarement and gonadal ecchymosis of a most lachrymosal potential. Therefore the action is more one of testicular realignment and scrotal massage to relieve the pruritic sensory overload.

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Originally Posted by Wheeze

Indeed. Employing a traditional ungual/digital scrape is likely to produce excessive puckering, follicular ensnarement and gonadal ecchymosis of a most lachrymosal potential. Therefore the action is more one of testicular realignment and scrotal massage to relieve the pruritic sensory overload.

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aka 'a game of pocket billiards'?

Ha, pocket billiards.

:thumbup:

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Originally Posted by Wheeze

pruritic sensory overload.

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'Pruritic'? Is that a made up word? Think you must mean 'prunitic': of or deriving from the prune family.

:rolleyes: Oh for goodness sake.

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Originally Posted by L.F.F.

'Pruritic'? Is that a made up word? Think you must mean 'prunitic': of or deriving from the prune family.

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Me? Make up a word??? How very dare you! Nay, pruritic is merely the adjectival form of the medical term Pruritis meaning to itch. Mindyou, Prunitis is a perfect made up form for this topic of conversation!

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Originally Posted by Wheeze

Indeed. Employing a traditional ungual/digital scrape is likely to produce excessive puckering, follicular ensnarement and gonadal ecchymosis of a most lachrymosal potential. Therefore the action is more one of testicular realignment and scrotal massage to relieve the pruritic sensory overload.

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aka 'lets get one thing straight' :rolleyes:

And the other one's bound to follow!:D

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Originally Posted by Wheeze

And the other one's bound to follow!:D

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"Boom boom!" :thumbup:

This whole thread is "nuts":w00t:

Needs a plain paper cover then.

Just had a sensational scratch of Santa's sack. Good to go again.