Aussies Score card:thumbup::w00t:
Aussies Score card:thumbup::w00t:
Sepp Blatter has been asked: "who is your favourite Qatar player ?"
"Eric Clapton", he replied.
excellentOriginally Posted by Jez Hellewell
FIVE GERMANS...
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."
"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the German says unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons."
"You canta pulla thata one on me-AA!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and thereforea youarra breaking DA law."
The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"
"Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He's a busy with a 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."
Gazza turned up at Mike Ashley's office Monday
morning with a can of beer, some chicken and a
fishing rod to try and stop him before he
did something stupid...
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
The Doctor asks: "What happened?"
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband
comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband
comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it
in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to
bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and
reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and
swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the tea do that?"
The Doctor says: "The tea does bugger all, it's keeping your mouth shut
that does the trick!"
This works better than tea:thumbup:
Haha! Nice one steve!
Best Aussie Pick-Up Line Ever!
An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No', he replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..'
The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?
''What's so special about it?'
The Aussie explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'
Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
The woman giggles and replies
'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'
The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,
' Bloody thing's an hour fast!'
Last edited by wharfeego; 18-12-2010 at 12:26 PM.
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you.":wink:
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