Today's Joke

[stevefoster]

15 men in white shirts pretending to be a rugby team.

Now that is a funny joke Wheeze:thumbup:

[finniganjones]

Paul McCartney is already 'pissed off' with his new wife!!
Apparently she is spending twice as much on new shoes as his last one ever did!!

[dominion]

Paul McCartney is already 'pissed off' with his new wife!!
Apparently she is spending twice as much on new shoes as his last one ever did!!

His last wife had a plane as part of her divorce settlement.... and a ladyshave for the other leg!

[Pilgrim]

Attachment 5219:thumbup:

[Multiterrainer]

Carlos Tevez has said that if he gets the sack from Manchester City he is going to open up a chain of sandwich shops, they will be called.....................




























..............................SUBNOWAY:thumbup:

[Pilgrim]

Guardian Angel
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice,
- "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.

The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted,
- "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

- "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
- "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
- "Oh yeah?" the man asked, "And where were you when I got married?"

[Jules]

For those of you affected by the result of the Man U Man C game last week, there is a helpline to ring... just dial 01 6-1 6-1 6-1!

[Pilgrim]

The Pope ...
The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaites him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There’s no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I’m the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn’t tell me..."

The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church..."

St. Peter: "The Catholic church ...Never heard of it... Wait, I’ll check with the boss."

St. Peter walks away through Heaven’s Gate to talk with God.

St. Peter: "There’s a dude standing outside who claims he’s your representative on earth."

God: "I don’t have a representative on earth, not that I know of... Wait, I’ll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)

Jesus: "Yes father, what’s up?"

God and St. Peter explain the situation.

Jesus: "Wait, I’ll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."

Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he’s laughing.

Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I’ve started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

[Pilgrim]

Order now for Christmas... The new radio1 Xmas CD with the cover versions you never thought you'd hear:
Susan Boyle - Dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like me;
Stevie Wonder - I can see clearly now;
John Terry - Ebony & Ivory
Katie Price - like a Virgin;
Rihanna - hit me baby one more time;
Michael Jackson - the drugs don't work;
Joseph Fritzl - love shack;
Stephen Hawking - Im still standing!l

[Al Fowler]

A policeman came up to me and sent his sniffer dog into my car.

'Well well, my dog tells me you've been on drugs,' the copper said.

'I know, I heard him talking as well you know,' *