Hold steady Leaf.
Grief, sorrow, shock, despair. They never leave us. They leave scars. Sometimes the scars can hurt or lead to shame that they exist. But they are part of you and so Mr Brightsides advice is good.

We all have to live with scars but I know, some can find them overwhelming. The fact you posted here shows you are still open to help and support....take what you need. The gang here will always listen.