
Originally Posted by
freckle
Evening all
I have read with interest all of the comments made about fathers tonight...my father died around 14 years ago when I was in my early twenties...he was a benign sort of fellow who I was not that particularly close to but would have liked the opportunity to get to know more as an adult...i think that would have been possible...
The first poem I ever wrote was about my father, I was in too minds about whether to put it up, but here goes...I found writing it a very emotional experience and it revealed to me the complex feelings that I had toward him...so for some it might be a difficult read...here goes...
My father, my father who are you?
Were you the tired, “old”,
broken man
who collapsed in “dad’s chair”
after a long day at work,
too tired for hugs,
too sad for conversation,
your true friend a bottle of Broon?
Were you the farting, drunken slob
who would always be late for Sunday lunch?
Making mam irritable,
breathing your alcohol breath over my little face
and saying “giz a kiss”?
Waking in the night to have the world’s longest piss.
Were you the loveable joker, “stealing” my nose for fun
or finding a coin behind my ear and calling me your blue eyes?
Us walking to the shop together,
you to get your beer and a treat of choccie for your little girl.
Were you your mammy’s blue eyed boy who could do no wrong?
Were you the frustrated artist whose eye for detail
constructed beautiful stain glass windows for a living
in some sort of concession, a resignation to the mundane,
to responsibility and deadness.
Were you the lonely twelve year old,
sitting upstairs in the public house with your dog Shep
(the name in fact of every dog you ever had),
lost in your isolation
while your parents ran the bar below
and paid off the POLICE.
Were you the eight year old who was evacuated
to an unfamiliar place, who was neglected
and whose baby sister died at the age of five,
who blamed himself somehow,
who was scared beyond words.
Were you the father, my father
who showed his tenderness in “good night, god bless”
and tucked me in with a sad ache in his huge eyes?
Were you the father who could not connect
with your own daughter for to do so
was to remember a loss too difficult to bear?
Were you the five stone skeletal shell,
ravaged by cancer, with a look of fear and dread upon you?
Then it was my turn to be scared and to not connect...
You, my father were all these things...I think...and I miss you.