Bought the grapes and tried it on the Missus last night ................ typing this from local A & EOriginally Posted by Jez Hellewell
Bought the grapes and tried it on the Missus last night ................ typing this from local A & E
My neighbour was banging on my front door at 3am this morning, 3am...can you believe it?
Fortunately I was still up playing my bagpipes..)
Message for teenagers..................................
Know any good jokes about Sodium? ...
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Na.....
Mixed Up Test Results ...
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.
Receptionist: "I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from
another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible."
Mr. Smith: "What do you mean?"
Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other was positive for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your wife."
Mr. Smith: "That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?"
Receptionist: "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once."
Mr. Smith: "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your
wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her."
How many Smiths' fans does it take to change a light bulb? None, because there is a light that never goes out
Poacher turned game-keeper
The Greek government has announced that it is ceasing all production of taramasalata and humous in an attempt to avoid a double dip recession
My wife has left me because of my fetish for involving pasta during sex.
I have to admit I'm feeling cannelloni.
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"
I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, "What have you got there?"
I replied, "Hummus."
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