Today's Joke

[Pilgrim]

Greek Style
A man goes into a little neighborhood pub, and when he sits down, he notices a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. He waves to her, and much to his surprise, she winks back at him. It doesn’t take long before he is on the stool next to her. They talk for about fifteen minutes and then the man says to the woman, "You’re really hot!"

"You’re pretty cute, too," she says to him. "I’ll tell you what... I live just around the corner - what do you think about coming up to my place?"

"That sounds great!" the man eagerly replies.

"Before we go up there, though," the woman says, "I have to ask you one question: Do you like doing it Greek style?"

"Well...uh...I’m not exactly sure what that is," the man answers, "but it sure sounds interesting and I’m willing to learn! Let’s go!"

So the two of them walk over to her apartment. As soon as they get inside the door, the woman rips off all her clothes. The man can’t believe his eyes! She has an incredibly beautiful body. "Now, you’re *sure*," the woman asks, "that you want to do it Greek style?"

"Definitely!" the man replies.

"All right, then," says the woman. "Take off all your clothes, and get up on the bed on yours hands and knees."

"Sounds like fun!" the man exclaims. He leaps out of his clothes and climbs onto the bed on his hands and knees. The woman goes around and gets onto the bed right in front of the man.

She kneels down in front of his head. She asks him again, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

"Yeah! Yeah, let’s go!" says the man.

The woman grabs the man with her arms right under his armpits, getting him in a lock hold. He can’t move at all, and his head is pressing right into her chest. One more time she says, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

The man’s muffled voice can barely be heard from between her breasts.
"Mmmf, yeah!" he mumbles, "Greek style!"

The woman’s grip on him tightens like a vice, and she yells out,

"GEORGE! Come and get it!"

[Pilgrim]

1234
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say ’123,’ and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks, "What happens when it’s over, and I don’t want to continue?"

The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for another year."

Harry rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess.

That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, (well maybe not) and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123;" and suddenly he becomes more aroused than anytime in his life, just as the medicine man had promised.

His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"

[robpark]

None, because there is a light that never goes out

This is either so good that is is bad, or so bad that it is good. Either way I enjoyed it!!!

[Pilgrim]

The River
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river."

And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: ’Shall We Gather At the River.’"

[IanDarkpeak]

The River
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river."

And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: ’Shall We Gather At the River.’"

It's a tricky one,
Which came first?
chicken or the egg
forum or face book

[robpark]

News reports in London branded the rioting an “abomination”, Birmingham branded it “upsetting and soul destroying” and Liverpool simply called it Monday.

[Mike T]

An Australian politician was apparently caught steeling 3 drill bits from a shop - it eventually resulted in him having to resign. A fellow politician went on to say in his defence that at least he was not your usual 2 bit thief.

[dominion]

With thanks to Nick Helm at the Edinburgh Fringe,

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

It went down a storm in an IT company... :w00t:

[Stagger]

Little boy asks his Mummy "why did you get married in white"?

"Because it’s a pure colour" his Mum answers, but "ask your Dad".

Little boy asks day "why do ladies get married in white"?

Dad answers "because all domestic appliance’s come in white son"

[Pilgrim]

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel.