Well, if we're having THAT kind of conversation, I'm reminded of an anecdote in David Niven's autobiography where he went skiing in, I think, Scandinavia and to his horror found that his penis had shrunk to a tiny blue acorn. He was also surprised by the form of resuscitation applied by his more knowledgeable companions - not mouth to mouth but .....
Tiny blue acorn? What a show-off.