"It's OK, He won't bite"

[Alf]

I've just walked to the Co-op. Our village appears free of Ebola, there's little if any discernable hurricane damage about, and IS aren't invading Ilkley Moor

I can just see the headline tomorrow "Ebola infected IS fighters disguised as fallen trees were about to attack a Wharfedale Co-op but aborted their plan at the last minute due to the presence of a 'Super Moderator' in the area"

[TheHeathens]

To put a degree of perspective on your completely mental view of dogs and their dangerousness, the dog population in the UK is something like 7 million whilst the human population is 64 million. So there are 9 times as many humans as dogs. Remember that figure.

The average number of human deaths each year attributable to dogs is 4 (thats just below cows with 5 and just above bees with 3) whilst humans kill give or take 800 UK residents each year (murder and manslaughter). So you are 200 times more likely to be killed by a human than a dog!

Given that there are 9 times more humans than dogs in the UK, humans though as individuals are only 22 times more dangerous than dogs!

Perhaps humans should be better controlled. eh?

And I'm not in anyway condoning dog attacks on livestock by the way. That said here again us humans win easily, slaughtering 3 million cows, 14 million sheep and lambs and 10 million pigs each year!

And to put a bit of perspective on your wholly irrelevant analogy, 200,000 people are bitten by dogs each year costing the NHS around £3m a year.

You would expect, given that there are nine times more humans (I remembered that figure!!) that the number of people assaulted with minor injuries each year would be around 1,800,000.

There were actually 527,000 assaults with minor injuries in the last recorded year meaning that, statistically, you are far more likely to get attacked by a dog.

Plus these criminal dogs target the vulnerable under 10s for their violent crime (this age demographic is most commonly admitted to hospital and most commonly needs plastic surgery after dog bites) whereas human criminals usually target an older demographic.

[Stolly]

I think the 200,000 figure is very much an estimate. For sure 6,000 or so hospital visits occur each year down to dog bites, at say a cost of £3 million to the NHS. I suspect that dogs though are a massive save to the NHS over all due to added health and well being of their owners and not forgetting companionship benefits for the elderly

[Dynamo Dan]

[Wheeze]

Why, oh why is this genius programme not repeated...in a different league to most of the dross circulating today!

[Alf]

Why, oh why is this genius programme not repeated...in a different league to most of the dross circulating today!

Or its original Radio 4 incarnation 'On the Hour'. Stewart Lee was one of the original writers

[johnmc]

I've just walked to the Co-op. Our village appears free of Ebola, there's little if any discernable hurricane damage about, and IS aren't invading Ilkley Moor

That's because they don't like the footpath "repairs"!

[Ilkley Swimmer]

I think the 200,000 figure is very much an estimate. For sure 6,000 or so hospital visits occur each year down to dog bites, at say a cost of £3 million to the NHS. I suspect that dogs though are a massive save to the NHS over all due to added health and well being of their owners and not forgetting companionship benefits for the elderly

I imagine this isn't much comfort to the man in a serious condition in hospital after being attacked by 5 of Mr Potts' dogs.....

[Mossdog]

My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still,
what can you expect from a cross-breed.

A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.

Man, to friend, ‘I’ve really had it with my dog: he’ll chase anyone on a bike.’ Friend, ‘What are you going to do? Have him put down?’ Man, ‘No, I think I’ll just take his bike away.’

[noel]

My friend bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as he got it home, it made a bolt for the door.