Good on you for getting out there Stagger and doing the race. Keep on keeping on. Every step is a step forward. In the end, the only person who can stop you moving on is yourself. You hold the key to that. Other people will do whatever they do, you can't control that. But you can examine your own reactions to events. Have you ever tried an 8 week mindfulness meditation programme? Is it something you'd look at? It works for some people.