Really rough few days. Every so often my mind can't cope with the fact that i may be facing a life without any sport. I slip back to defining my own self-worth by whether i can run or ride a bike, and to what extent. I'm really afraid of what could be my life from now on, the level of meaning drops below what i consider to be the lower limit for preserving my life. Loss of meaning had been a big driver for depression in me in the past. Yoga masters refer to this as 'The Monkey Mind'. A restless mind that goes too far and attatches to thoughts that aren't necessarily true; creates stories that feed into self-defeating belief systems. For some reason i'm very vulnerable first thing in the morning, it takes hours of hard work just to arrive at neutral let alone positive thinking.