Ha! so schools not out for you yet then??
Ha! so schools not out for you yet then??
I've been meaning to dig this out for a few days. It may not be Jane's diary (what is Jane's diary?) but it's in a similar vein to the Battle of Trafalgar, so at the risk of causing upset... somewhere... what do you think of this...?Originally Posted by Ady In Accy
Top post Lantern Rouge - can we have some more chapters as with Jane's Diary??
THE SQUIRREL AND THE GRASSHOPPER
THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
cold.
THE END
THE U.K. VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be
warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are
cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper;
with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a
table laden with food.
The British press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so,
while others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council
of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with
breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall
Overcome".
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the
Squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an
immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and
increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London .
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
the Beginning of the summer.
The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for
failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on
his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the
grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be
socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the
more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
Imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
building a new home.
The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get
to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On
arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent
love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking
and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police
fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned
because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise
and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council
house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
maintain the house.
He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed
for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since
arrival in UK .
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.
He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost GBP10,000,000 and
state The obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
increased.
The asylum-seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching
Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the
government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press
blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes
of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of
prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in
the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for
law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65
because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END
Well? Anyone got anything similar for a bit of a titter?
Is this hijacking of the forum becoming the fellponies message board?
Many a truth spoken in jest!
I thought this WAS the Fell Ponies forum?
As i,m sure she,s told you neither do I. It,s all about delegation, why bother when there,s someone who does it for you.
I have long been an admirer of your lifestyle choices Crumblypony...wise indeedAs i,m sure she,s told you neither do I. It,s all about delegation, why bother when there,s someone who does it for you.
humm no fell ponie vest for a mere small penguin, but i have noticed brett has one so one size fits all? large and small?I thought this WAS the Fell Ponies forum?
Im not at liberty to reveal the vest sizes of individual Ponies...humm no fell ponie vest for a mere small penguin, but i have noticed brett has one so one size fits all? large and small?
Very wise... some of us get touchy about that sort of thing.
I hope you have something that can accomodate a supportive foundation garment! As previously mentioned, one wouldn't wish to become an affront to common decency and my winter coat may present a challenge
Very wise... some of us get touchy about that sort of thing.
I hope you have something that can accomodate a supportive foundation garment! As previously mentioned, one wouldn't wish to become an affront to common decency and my winter coat may present a challenge
Do you wear a truss?? Excellent!
Or are you talking about those blanket things that go under saddles, a numnah??
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