Man: Comes home from the pub after work with a couple of carry out bottles, slumps in the chair, flicks on the TV and slurps on his beer.

Wife: Bustles about in the kitchen warming up his home cooked spud pie whilst finishing off the washing up and the last of the ironing.

Man: Ey love, you know, when I die I'm going to leave everything to you.

Wife: What do you mean when you die? You already do you fat ****!