Underlying Beliefs; i've been doing a lot of Work on underlying beliefs recently. It seems like it's a matter of distillation, it's the case that untrue thoughts are underpinned by untrue underlying beliefs. I don't know why it is that your mind can attach so strongly to such hurtful and obviously untrue underlying beliefs. The belief that my life is over and i should simply wait to die always was and still is so cosy and comforting to attach to. To try to attach to the thought that my life is like a pack of fireworks that's waited 20yrs for a match seems simple enough, but the result is utter mental chaos, and something now very familiar to me- Mental Combat Fatigue. It seems that trying to unseat untrue underlying beliefs is like pulling the rug out from underneath everything that you've used as security up until that point. Your subconscious self uses these thoughts as anchor points for your entire personality and leans heavily on them; to remove or threaten them is a bit like sailing a Galleon out into the Roaring Forties and cutting every single rope. Your personality seems to go into freefall as your subconscious mind looks for something else to attatch to and resecure itself, the result is total panic. Time and again your mind will creep back to the security of these old habits and time and again you have to send them packing; and it deosn't hurt any less every time it has to be done. Realistically it's no different to breaking bad habits in a dog or a small child, it's just that this problem inhabits an area of your mind 20 times more powerful than the one you yourself inhabit, and it takes full advantage of this as it hits back at you with the force of a thousand Samaurai warriors.