Honey Badgers, hardest omnivore EVERIs the fact this has made to national news. I'm mean, good ******* grief, do people still need telling.
"Better to live a day as a tiger than a lifetime as a worm."
We need more cool omnivorous animals to act as role models. How about bears, they're pretty highly regarded and they eat lots of superfruits like berries and mushrooms.
mushrooms are a superfruit?Originally Posted by noel
Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.
One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we
played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one
favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's
football there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed, "Mike, you've been my best
friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this
favour for you.” Shortly after that, Joe sadly passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep
by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to
him, "Mike--Mike."
"Who is it?” asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died!"
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice.
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad
news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven.
Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too.
Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always
spring time and it never rains or snows. Our wives are there too, and
young and pretty as ever! And best of all, we can play football all we
want, and we never get tired!!"
That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So
what's the bad news?
"You're in the team for this Saturday".
A good email just came through with some descent quips on there
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. I think they were The Hovis Witnesses.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt . Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.
ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!
In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.
Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth .
An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan ! He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats! It’s doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, 'F@@k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?'
Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'
Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
She obviously wasn't Russian.
Groan..................
She obviously wasn't Russian.
I had to take a reality Czech after that one!
Did she have time to do the Polishing?
I Moldova whether or not I should comeback with another low calibre quip, but I though I'd better not
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